a fun little blog thing that I found to be interesting:

Thursday, December 29, 2005

a fun little blog thing that I found to be interesting: Current mood: sleepy Your Birthdate: June 22 You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April What Does Your Birth Date Mean? Wow. Pretty interesting! Not your average "Cancer" sun-sign write-up, and I think it's more on the mark. (Thanks to Lux- I found it through her myspace page). Sorry I'm not writing more tonight- I'm beat!

On parents and discipline. . .

Monday, December 26, 2005

On parents and discipline. . . Current mood: contemplative Well I hope everyone had a lovely Solstice/Yule/Christmas/[insert preferred holiday here]! (lol) We had a very nice holiday. Littleman opened lots of gifts (meaning his own, and everyone else's as well) and is just starting to understand the whole Santa thing. I think. Unrelated, but I've been wondering to myself: As a parent, when does one stop trying to discipline one's children? When they come of age? (18 I guess?) When they move out? When they have kids of their own? When you as a parent decide they are "mature"? Never? Or does the answer to the question depend on the nature of the wrongdoing? And if you want to discipline an adult child, how would you go about it? Is it worth wasting an ounce of energy on? (ie; do adult children ever respond positively to punitive parental actions?) Hmm. Just something I have been pondering. Aha- well on that note, I will sign off for now because my little men just got home from hiking today. :) Perhaps I'll write again later!

random thoughts

Sunday, December 18, 2005

random thoughts Current mood: silly Hunted and found three letterboxes today! It was fun. Simon got to go "HIKING. SUNDAY." and I got to add some stamps to my collection. I have some ideas for more planted boxes, I just have to carve stamps and get the books and boxes ready. In all my free time. But it's a good hobby, and I really enjoy it, and it gets us outdoors in cool places getting some exercise. So I should find the time to do it more. (for curious noxers [non-boxers]: www.letterboxing.org ) "Ornaments stay ON the tree" is now such an oft-repeated phrase in my house, it's right up there with "Be careful", "Be nice to the kitty", "No", "Get Down", "We don't throw our food", "That's eww-y" and "Don't stick things into the holes in the computer!" We went walking in our neighborhood last night looking at Christmas lights. It was nice! There are only a few houses that have gone all out, but many with at least a little holiday lighting to brighten things up. It was so pleasant to stroll around as a family, all bundled up and admire the lights. Such moments are rare enough for us, which makes us appreciate them all the more I think. Simon especially liked a huge, lit inflatable snow-globe that was snowing inside, a house with little lit Christmas soldiers lined up, a house with santa in his sleigh landing on a runway on the roof, and the inflatable bear that would slowly pop out of a present, then slowly sink back into it. We watched "Kingdom of Heaven" the other night. It's a Ridley Scott film, starring Orlando Bloom, set in the time of the Crusades. The filming was beautiful, the acting was good and it was based on real-life people and events. Unfortunately the editing was disjointed and I think the writing was a bit poor. Those weak points were rather fatal, I'm afraid. Oh, well. OK, enough random thoughts- my eyes are drooping. Time to get ready for bed. (Early for me!)

Emotional Alchemy: turning stress to sweetness

Friday, December 09, 2005

Emotional Alchemy: turning stress to sweetness Current mood: grateful I just want to say that sometimes, the most dreaded situations turn into the best memories. For instance there was tonight, when I'm getting littleman ready for bed. Usually it happens to work out that Griff is sleeping during the time that I am giving Simon a bath, getting him ready for bed and rocking him in the rocking chair before I lay him down. (The whole process takes 1/2 to 1 hour or so). But tonight for some unknown reason Griff was very much NOT asleep. He fussed off and on while I gave Simon a quick bath, but after that it was all-out scream-fest. I tried to make him comfortable and happy on the bed with Simon and I while I put on Simon's diaper and pajamas, but no dice- he wanted to be held just so, and walked around. Simon started acting up, too- he was tired and usually this is HIS time, so he was probably a little resentful too, plus he seems to feel a bit anxious when his baby brother is crying. This sort of situation is very stressful- there is only so much of me to go around!! My brief description most certainly does not paint a true picture of the chaos involved. I rushed through getting Simon dressed for bed, but I didn't want to completely cheat Simon of his bedtime routine. So, I hauled both crying boys onto my lap in the rocking chair to see if I could calm them down. Simon at least stopped crying, but Griff was very upset. I tried different things without success, and then decided to sing some Christmas carols for them. We rocked gently and I sang softly, and gradually Griff calmed down. (What really finally did it was "Deck The Halls" and "Oh Christmas Tree"- Griff likes those). Both boys relaxed against me as I held them tight, rocked and sang. Griff's breathing calmed down, Simon's head was drooping and gradually Griff closed his eyes. By the time Griff was asleep, I'd decided that this was one of the all-time sweetest moments I've ever experienced. Funny how such a stressful situation can turn into such a joy. My sweet, sweet angels. ~sigh~ OK, now I have to do more laundry and wash the dishes!!

sleep or blog? SLEEP!!

Friday, December 09, 2005

sleep or blog? SLEEP!! Current mood: drained So many nights I sit down just before bed to relax and type some thoughts into a blog entry. . . but I'm so exhausted, and really what I want and need is to go to bed. Unfortunately tonight is another one of those nights. Good night!

Just a quick check-in

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Just a quick check-in Current mood: busy Whew! Geez, have I been busy- I'm finally getting a couple minutes to sit down and type a bit. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving- it's one of my favorite holidays, because for the most part it is still meaningful and has not been buried in distractions and commercialization over the years. Sure, the grocery stores rake it in but mainly it is a time to visit with family and be grateful for the blessings we have. This year we travelled to Charleston to be with Billy's family, who all travelled to Charleston to be with Billy's sister and brother-in-law who live there. We had a lovely time, enjoying the city and each other. Billy and Simon rode a bike all over that city, and I managed to leave personal belongings in several restaurants over the course of a couple days. Luckily, I managed to retrieve everything before we left. It's those lost brain cells- I think pregnancy sucks them out of you. Or have I already said that?? It's a shame I have been too busy to blog, because I've had several thoughts that I would like to expand on in writing. And right now, my brain is swimming with all the chores that need doing (etc) and I can't seem to remember or focus on any of them. Ah, well- at least I got to sit down and put my feet up for a minute. I'll see if I can blog tonight.

Look out the window

Friday, November 18, 2005

Look out the window Current mood: mellow You know, it's interesting what a mind-game writing can be. I'll think to myself, "I should write in my blog tonight"- but then I'll realize I haven't the faintest idea what I want to write about. I don't want to laundry-list everything I did today, and I don't want to run on in sappy cliches about the boys and how great they are (and they ARE great). I want my writing to be an exercise in thinking broadly, sort of like remembering to stop staring at the computer screen every once in awhile and look way out the window instead. So I'll think to myself that I need to think of a good topic, and then I'll be able to go from there. But it's not true. That's sort of like saying that I'll decide what I'll see out the window, and only then should I look out the window to see what's there. Which is ridiculous, of course- you stretch your vision looking outside to see what you can see. Even if it's the same old view, it's always fresh and new in some way. The trick is to look and really see what's there- not to look and see what I decided to expect. Sure, there's the wall of the building next door. But see how that shadow sort of looks like a troll? And look at the way the sunlight is all honey-colored, and oh- there's a mockingbird on the gutter- see? So, rather than deciding on a topic and only then beginning to write, sometimes I just start typing and a topic comes to me. Sometimes I "see" something that leaves me feeling like my brain stood up and stretched a little before sitting back down to work on mundane tasks. (And sometimes I don't- sometimes I can't seem to focus on the right place- it happens to the best of us). But the point is that trying too hard to do it "right" often means I don't do it at all. SO, just sit down, start typing, look here, look there, try to find the right focus and what you end up with might be good, or it might be crap. Either way you've stopped and looked out the window for a moment. Chances are you saw something you wouldn't have seen otherwise- and that's a step in the right direction.

Edge of the world

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Edge of the world Current mood: accomplished The rain waited for us to start. Light at first, it escalated rapidly into a gentle but very steady downpour. The trail gets slippery, and the treebark starts to shine. Big fat drops slide off the rhododendron leaves and hit our hats, hands and faces. Before long our backs and lower legs are soaked, though the hats and rainjackets help keep the rest of us dry at least. Did we remember to bring our gaiters? Of course not! The river roars by, rushing through leaf-strewn boulders and kicking up fine mist that melts into the foggy atmosphere. Stepping very carefully and grabbing the gnarled branches for support, we scramble back up the hill to the trail. Rain starts to ease a bit as we find our treasure spot, and littleman gets to walk the forest. He leads the way, marking "secrets" as we go. We must look a bit insane, wet and bedraggled in the woods with two young boys- but littleman is on top of the world. Baby is not, however, and lets it be known he would rather be in the snug dry car, so the 4 intrepid planters turn back toward people, asphalt and the rest of our day. Mission accomplished, at least. :)

lessons in recentering

Friday, November 11, 2005

lessons in recentering Current mood: thoughtful Thinking about yoga in my last blog got me thinking about how in some ways, I have lost myself within my parenting role. It's a very easy mistake to make, and one I need to work on correcting. If I allow my individual self to be lost within the greater context of my family, then I will lose the very foundation I need in order to support my loved ones. It's extremely important to recenter occasionally, and recognize that I am an individual with my own interests and needs. This probably sounds obvious and simple to achieve, but really it can be quite difficult. A young child (especially an infant) is an extension of the parent (especially the mom) in so many ways- I realized with a bit of a shock one day that I am simply no longer one person. I cannot do things I might otherwise do, because I have this little being who is so dependant on my presence. The effects range from the very simple (like not being able to take a shower) to the obvious (I cannot drop everything and leave for a big trip, and I cannot go motorcycle riding all day) to the profound (even though the dependence will lessen and I will resume many things, I will NEVER truly be just one individual person ever again). Because this is true, finding ways to reconnect with the individual me is a challenge. I imagine other people experience this sort of thing in different ways, as well. Many people lose themselves to their work, for instance. Which makes me wonder how much of the dependence is illusory, and how much truly necessary. Often when people are so caught up in work that they lose themselves to it, the gaps they are trying to fill are not as important as they seem. A balance is crucial to a fulfilling life, and sometimes you have to shift or jettison a few things to make everything work in harmony. The trick is figuring out what can go, what must stay, and what can be moved. Is this or that as important as it seems, or is it really sleight of hand? Keeping a sense of perspective and being objective will help make the balancing act as effortless as possible. In my case, it will be mostly about time, habit and help. Finding the balance will free up the time I need for recentering- for yoga for instance, or meditation or painting or hiking- because I'll know what to shift and how. Habit is an important one, and a big hurdle for me. I can have all the great intentions in the world, and even get started in the right direction, but if I do not make it habit I will not stick with it. I have to make yoga a standard part of my routine if I want to keep it in my life. And finally I will probably need help- which is another stumbling block in my case. I am a self sufficient sort of person, and asking for help does not come naturally to me- it feels foreign. I have to make it a habit too, before I can make use of the skill to help me form other positive habits in my life! Ah well, baby steps will get me there. At least I am workking towards my goal right now- simply by keeping up with a blog, I am allowing myself time to relax and think my own thoughts for awhile. It's a step in the right direction- and hopefully, it's habit-forming! :)

a nice cup of tea

Monday, November 07, 2005

a nice cup of tea Current mood: relaxed Sometimes, there's nothing better than a hot cup of mint tea in the evening, sitting with my feet up. The scent is so relaxing, so refreshing, and it just makes me feel good. The minty steam infuses the back of my throat, leaving a lasting fresh inhalation. The warmth rushes to my stomach and radiates out, not unlike a feeling I get when practicing aware breathing in yoga. The relaxation is similar, too. Ah, yoga. . . I REALLY need to get back into doing that. . . I miss it. I can feel the lack in my body, and really also in my mind- yoga helps me feel more centered, which enables me to use my mind more effectively. But the real effect is in my spirit- I sorely miss the time spent enriching myself. That time to center myself, realign myself- it's not something I've allowed myself lately. With so little time to go around, it's hard for me to get the practice up and going again. It might be easier if I could keep it up at home, but it's just not the same for me as a group class. Time to cut these musings short, for Griff is waking.

late night adventure (of sorts)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

late night adventure (of sorts) Current mood: moody OK, so the night after I post about inner peace and acceptance of nightly interruptions, Electra (our cat) strolls into the bedroom at 4 am with some sort of little mole- a mole who is very much alive, and very loudly squeaking about it. I tend to pile my shoes behind the bedroom door, and this is where the mole finds refuge. So, at 4 am I am up locking away the cat and then trying to catch a terrified little mole with a towel. Billy got up to help, but it was still a bit of an adventure before we were finally able to release the mole, round up the now excited dogs downstairs, release the cat and get back in bed. Neither one of us was able to sleep right away, and I of course had to get right back up soon after I dropped off. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. :)

zen and the art of newborn nights

Friday, November 04, 2005

zen and the art of newborn nights Current mood: tired The last couple nights have been a little better. It's not necessarily because Griff is waking less- it's more because I have been more relaxed and accepting of the need for me to wake at night. Somehow, by remembering to go with the flow rather than resisting when Griff needs me at night I actually end up feeling more rested come morning. This is often easier said than done- especially when I've just snuggled into a very comfortable position when Griff starts to fuss. It can be very hard indeed to promptly give up that comfort with a light heart, and devote myself to meeting his needs. (Particularly if that means getting OUT of bed to change his diaper!!) More often than I'd like to admit, I find myself grumbling silently (or not-so-silently!) while I try in vain to soothe poor Griff with a pacifier. It's hard not to let myself do that, but trying to accept the situation is a good exercise in cultivating inner peace regardless of what might be going on in that moment. A lot of parenting can be an exercise in cultivating inner peace- remembering to slow down, accept the situation as it is and do the best we can do with that moment as it exists- and remembering not to waste energy being frustrated if a situation is not what we would have liked it to be. It's good to try and guide the present in a positive direction (so that future moments are positive), but it's a waste of energy to wish that past or present moments are/were anything other than what they are/were. (There's an awkward sentence. . .) Anyway I realized that this is a lot of the reason that I stay (relatively) sane- I try my best to go with the flow, do the best I can with the present I have, and not waste time worrying about anything that I can't change. I guess it's a good plan for anyone, but I find it's particularly important at 3:00 in the morning when I'd rather be asleep. ;) deep breath- in. . . . . . . . . . . . out. . . . . . . . . . . OK now go face your evening! :)

I don't remember what I wanted to write about. . .

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I don't remember what I wanted to write about. . . Current mood: exhausted Well, baby Griff was up every two hours last night to nurse. Considering how long it takes him to nurse each time, that leaves me with very little sleep indeed! Of course the boys did not nap at the same time today, so no naps for me either! I'm doing OK, but am pretty exhausted. Littleman takes a lot of energy! Speaking of littleman, he made some peepee in the potty today! It's probably a fluke but it's a step in the right direction, anyway. Also he had his first experience painting with a paintbrush at his easel. Messy of course, but he had a great time! I'm sitting downstairs with him now- I finally got baby Griff to take a nap (first one today) and I let littleman watch a movie so I can chill a bit. (Or chill in between laundry loads, at least). OK, enough with the news that only a parent can love. You know, I had an idea I wanted to write about, but now that I'm at the computer I can't for the life of me remember what it was. :l People joke that pregnancy and childbirth strips one of brain cells, but damn if I don't think it's true sometimes! Hmph. I guess lack of sleep could be the culprit, too. Oh, well. I should fix some dinner anyway.

Halloween and good night

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween, and good night Current mood: tired (nak) Blessed Samhain to you! We had a dozen or so trick-or-treaters tonight, which isn't too bad. Not at all like when I was a kid, though! Our neighborhood would be teeming with roving gangs of costumed kids young and not-so-young, running and yelling and dragging pillowcases overflowing with candy. It went on well into the night, and pranks were pretty common, too. It was spooky, sugar-laden pandemonium. I am looking forward to going to bed as soon as I can, here. Baby Griff was up frequently last night, and even Littleman needed help settling down a couple of times. I had shallow sleep at best, and for all intents and purposes I was up for the day at 4am. (I tried for a semblance of sleep until 9 or 10am, but never managed it because Griff was so restless. I sure hope he sleeps better tonight! I am really feeling the lack. Alright, he's done nursing for now. Hopefully I can go to bed!

Fall Fun!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Fall Fun! Current mood: good Today is littleman's birthday! He is now officially 2. We are looking forward to having a bunch of friends and kids out to the house today. I'm sure it will be chaotic, but fun. I'm tired (had to get up a bunch for baby and even a few times for Simon) but I'm in a good mood. We had such fun last night- took the boys to a farm for a corn maze, spooky hayride and other stuff. Littleman had a BLAST. I think we all enjoyed it. We saw cows, a kitty and bunnies, wandered in the corn maze, toasted hot dogs at the bonfire, rode the starlit "spooky" hayride and generally had fun. Littleman will happily tell you all about it- I've heard him independantly say "cows", "corn maze", "hiding" (what we did in the maze), "stick" (what he played with in the maze), "fire" and "hot dog", "running", "house" (there was a great log cabin there), "tractor" and "riding", "witch", "skeleton" and "people" (which are all things we saw on the spooky hayride). I guess that about tells you the whole story! ;) It was so nice being out in the country, feeling the bite in the air and smelling sweet woodsmoke, green grass, dry leaves and corn. Cows were lowing (picturesque black and white jerseys, no less), kids were shouting and you could hear their feet pound the wooden porch as they ran in and out of the house. Every once in awhile the big tractor would start up and move off, taking another group of people around the farm for a hayride. Walking through the corn maze many of these sounds seemed far away, and your ears were full of the sound of the dry cornstalks rustling in a cool breeze. The setting sun poured liquid gold over the fields, and it dripped onto the tops of the stalks. Later as more people started to show up, you'd hear the shouts of the boys throwing a football, an occasional screech as amps were being set up for a live singer, kids shouting to find each other in the maze. The smell of toasting hot dogs and marshmallows started to linger in the woodsmoke, and the air was getting decidedly chilly. The hayride was sweet fun, sitting on the haybales, rocking gently against each other as the tractor bumped along. Sitting cozily all together (baby in a carrier on my chest) under a soft blanket, we admired the heavens, twinkling with all the stars we never see close to home. We even saw the milky way, and a shooting star to wish on. Moving into the trees we admired the "spooky" handiwork of the local kids- ghosts, skeletons and bloody victims loomed at us in the tractor headlights. Later live spooks added to the ambiance. It was a perfect ending to our fall farm visit.

Well, here we go. . .

Friday, October 28, 2005

Well, here we go. . . Current mood: hopeful OK, So I've toyed with the idea of starting a blog, and perhaps this is as good a place as any to do so. I have not been writing anything for ages, and I would like to get back in the habit. It's often a good intention that ends up unfulfilled (especially now that I have the boys keeping me busy!) but I think it's an important habit for me to cultivate. So, here we go! We'll see if this works better. Blogs are an interesting phenomena- it's basically a private journal, but in a public forum- and I have to admit that the possibility that others will read my rantings does add a different dimension to the habit of journalling. I hope that, just as a walking buddy makes it more likely that I'll find the time to go walking, perhaps a theoretical audience for my journal will make it more likely I will find time to write. About whatever- I hope also that as I get back into the habit, once again I will find my thoughts ranging farther than the day-to-day necessities that are my current sole mental fare. It's so tough just keeping up with all the practical things I must remember, let alone having brain space left for musing on more interesting subjects. But sometimes the habit of writing starts to unlock extra brain space- I start to feel like I opened a window inside my head. It's a liberating feeling, tapping into the muse. And sometimes, it actually makes me feel more relaxed and competent in other parts of my life too. So, despite the fact that a small part of me says I am wasting time here, when there is SO much I need to do- the wiser part of me knows that perhaps a blog is EXACTLY what I need to be doing. There. I feel better already! :) Now I have to pick up toys and do some laundry.