Wow, um. . .

So, my last post was almost 2 months ago. A great deal has happened since then. Much of it was good- The Pirate turned 5, Littleman turned 7, we had a wonderful trip to the mountains, we went camping at a music festival in Virginia, I led a Tie Dye workshop. . .

However some of it was tragic: we lost Billy's mom suddenly; she drowned in the ocean while vacationing in Florida. She died September 20. It was an awful, awful shock, and has been so difficult, especially since it was only 4 months since we'd lost Billy's Dad.

Billy's mother was vibrant, healthy, active and ALIVE. And now she is not. It's hard to remember that, sometimes. Now she is not.

She was very special to me, to all of us. My consolation is that she went quickly, on a happy day, doing something she loved, and (after having to witness the long slow decline of her husband) she did not have to experience the long slow decline herself. However it was just. Too. Soon. Sigh.

There have of course been a great many things that require attention since then, and there are changes in the works in many areas of the family's life. Billy's mother was the glue, and it will take some trial and error to find a new paradigm for our relationships. I hope we will all emerge stronger and closer for the experience.

So, I apologize for my lengthy absence. I usually keep up with my Twitter, so look me up there if things get too quiet over here. @kit_mama . I will be trying to sort and post my pictures of some of our adventures soon.
Thank you.

My Umbrella

Last month I was reading Shade and Sweetwater, and came across this post and this one about her lost umbrella. It brought to mind a story from my past (cue Wayne's World transition, doodly doodly doodly as the scene fades. . .)

* * *

I used to have an umbrella.

Not just any umbrella, but an umbrella I loved. It made me happy any time I popped it open on a grey, wet day. There were a few things that made this umbrella so special. First of all, it was big. No tiny, folding, purse-sized excuse for shelter was this. Oh, no: when you popped that baby open, it expanded like a parachute and there was no need to prioritize which part of me should stay dry. It sheltered all of me and my ridiculously overpacked college bookbag, as well. Secondly, the umbrella was long, straight and sturdy, with a strong metal tip and a classic curved handle that was carved to look like bamboo. This umbrella doubled gracefully as a walking stick (which I used often) and a self-defense weapon (which I never had to try, thank goodness). I can be very hard on things- shoes, umbrellas, jeans, cameras, bookbags, you name it- and other than a slightly loose shaft (easily shored up with clear packing tape) and a scratched-up metal tip, the umbrella remained as good as new. Finally, it was whimsical. Rather than a typical umbrella-shaped canopy, it blossomed into a bright sunny roof of tropical leaves, translucent to let the light shine through. It was like popping open a little bit of paradise to shield me from a wet Georgia winter.

I loved that umbrella.

My umbrella served me very well marching here, there and yonder from class to class on a large campus. Unfortunately I can be a forgetful person: more than one umbrella has fallen victim to my distraction, being left lonely and forgotten somewhere in my daily wake. Luckily this umbrella was large and useful enough that I kept track of it for a long time. Despite a couple close calls, I always managed to collect my umbrella and bring it home ready for another rainy day.

Until one fateful afternoon.

After a long class (I just realized a little joke: if I remember correctly, it was a Meteorology course. HA!) I gathered my things and wandered outside. I’d left my umbrella by the door when I’d arrived, so that it would not drip all over the place. By the time I left, the weather had cleared up nicely and my wonderful umbrella slipped my mind. I had to hurry to catch the bus if I was going to make it to my next class on time. My lovely, loyal umbrella was left propped in a corner, unnoticed and alone.

Well, it wasn’t long before I figured out what had happened. My schedule was packed however, and I had to rush from class to work and then home before it got dark. (My cheap little apartment was fine for what it was, but I didn’t have a car and I had to walk through some chancy neighborhoods before I’d reach my front door. I never walked home at night.) Retrieving my umbrella would have to wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow arrived, and during my brief lunch I rushed over to the Environmental Sciences building for the reunion. When I reached the classroom corner however, it was empty. I looked all around, and asked anyone I saw if they had seen it. I checked the building’s lobby. I asked the janitor. No luck anywhere. I was beginning to think the worst: someone else had seen it’s value, and picked it up for their own! I was very upset. I couldn’t believe that after all that time, I’d simply left the poor thing behind to be picked up by a random stranger. I know it sounds silly, but darn if I didn’t love that umbrella! The store where I’d bought it had closed a few years earlier. I tried to find a new one on the internet, but it was nowhere to be seen. I was simply out of luck.

So, fast-forward a few weeks. I was walking through another part of campus, on my way to work for the afternoon. It was a grey day, lightly raining on my hunched shoulders and bowed head. (I’d still not gotten around to replacing my umbrella.) Suddenly a cheerful flash of green catches the corner of my eye. Looking up, I spot MY UMBRELLA! Held aloft by a tall woman, it was making it’s way across campus right toward me. I could hardly believe my luck! To think we’d be reunited after all! I was delighted.

The woman noticed my obvious happy interest, and she stopped with a guarded, questioning glance. Almost laughing, I exclaim “That’s my umbrella!”

Upon hearing that something about her face just slammed shut, like a cold metal door. Slowly, she began to shake her head. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and persisted hopefully, “I left it in the Environmental Sciences building weeks ago! I was so upset, I love it and . . . I’ve had it . . . for a long time. . .” My words were faltering as she continued to shake her head.

“No it cannot be yours”, she told me firmly, and moved as if to walk away.

“No really, that’s my umbrella that I lost!” I stepped in front of her again and ducked my head to look at the umbrella’s shaft, where my telltale repair of clear packing tape could be seen. “See where I fixed the shaft! It was loose and I used packing . . . tape. . .” She was shaking her head again, more firmly this time.

“No, this was a gift from a friend.” She looked uncomfortable, like she couldn’t wait to be rid of me. Maybe it’s my overactive and self-righteous imagination, but I thought she looked guilty. “It is not yours.”

“Well maybe they found. . .” I started, but she shook her head one more time and shouldered past me to continue on her way. I was left staring after her, dejected and bewildered. It’s one thing to keep a lost item you find, but it’s another thing entirely to refuse to return it to it’s rightful owner, if said person shows up and proves ownership. She could have at least taken my number, if the “gift” story were true. But, no. I watched her walk away, my shining tropical shelter aloft, fading into the grey foggy afternoon.

Grey hairs, part 2

SO, I left you when I was standing at the gas pump with the sick realization that I was no longer in possession of my wallet. (A very sick realization, indeed). Babyman was crying, traffic was bad and my gas tank was on empty. I finally caved in to the fact that my wallet was NOT in the van, and started thinking back. Had I left it somewhere in the mall? Did it fall in the parking lot somehow? It's always hectic loading everyone into the van when I am by myself with them, and Sweetcheeks had nearly run out into the parking lot that day- perhaps in the chaos my wallet somehow fell on the ground. I hopped back into the van and joined the traffic crush (doing my best to soothe Babyman) to head back to my previous parking space.

The ride back sucked, of course- I felt a sense of urgency, because if the wallet was in the parking lot, I wanted to find it before anyone else. But traffic was very slow, and meanwhile Babyman's cries grew in decibels and intensity. Littleman slept peacefully on, but Sweetcheeks threw in one more element by asking me innocently "Where is the wallet, Mommy?" over and over and OVER again. (WHY do they do that?) Argh. And all the while, I try to conserve gas where I can because that needle is frighteningly low. THAT would just be the icing on the cake, I'm thinking- to run out of gas and be stranded with the kids without any money or ID. Yeah. Oh, and one more thing: I had to pee. Bad.

Good news, I made it to my parking space. Bad news, no wallet anywhere. My next hope is that either it was picked up by a good soul who turned it in to a lost and found, or that I'd left it at Teavana (where I'd last used it). Babyman is super upset by now, so I sit in the van to nurse, trying not to fret too much. I try using 411 on my cell to call Teavana, but the number turns out to be a fax line. I'm going to have to drag everyone back into the mall.

I put Babyman in the stroller and unbuckle Sweetcheeks, and try to wake Littleman. He is SO asleep. Littleman does not do well with rude awakenings. At ALL. Finally, finally I get him out of the van and we are all moving. The nice lady at the Nordstrom has not seen the wallet. She calls Nordstom's lost and found to see if anyone had turned it in- nope. Next I shuttle everyone to the bathroom, as I'm about to burst. We all crowd into the big stall and I turn to find Littleman's already sitting on the pot. I hop around slightly, trying to be patient with him. . . until I realize he is pooping. Geez! I dash for the next stall while Littleman whines that his door is open and what if someone comes in? At least I'm feeling MUCH better. I help Littleman and Sweetcheeks finish up, and shuttle everyone toward the sinks.

That's when I hear someone say my name in surprise. Looking up, I spot a neighbor whom I know from the Homeowner's Association. She's very friendly, and I pause so she can ooh and ah over Babyman. She senses that I'm uncomfortable though, and finally asks how I'm doing. "Fine", I reply, "though I'm actually having a minor crisis right now." I explain and she springs into action, offering to help. She holds Sweetcheeks' hand as we all troop out to Teavana, and offers to loan me money for gas in case we don't find the wallet. What started out as an irritation (because I was in a hurry) turns out to be a wonderful help.

As we walk into Teavana I catch the clerk's eye and ask if anyone had found a black wallet. "Yes!" she says, "Here it is!" And it's my wallet. I could melt with relief. We all cheer, and I thank my neighbor. Whew. Thank goodness.

We do make it to the gas station, and I fill the tank and we go home. Whew. Whew. What relief.

It's funny how very much more stressful these sorts of situations become when I am by myself with the kids. Once upon a time, this would have been little more than an annoying footnote to my day. Now, it's a situation that probably took a year off of my life. And really? What for? I'm glad I went straight back and retrieved my wallet, but was it really worth that sort of stress? Probably not. It's hard to remember this when you are in the situation, let alone manage to apply it to your state of mind.

Anyway, it all ended fine, and I relaxed at home. And now, Babyman's crying again. Off I go!

Grey hairs

Sheesh. I gained a few grey hairs today! I am now recovering by checking out Pioneer Woman's new site, and sipping some of my Mom's homemade limoncello. Aaah. But earlier, I was not so calm.

See, the day started out pretty well. Hectic, but well. I didn't get enough sleep, but that's no news. I dragged my butt out of bed at 7 am ok, 7:30 so I could get Sweetcheeks off to Montessori. While he and I (and Babyman) are getting ready, there's a knock at the door- it's the plumber! I haven't been regaling you with my quest for a plumber's assistance, so suffice it to say I was very pleased to see him. Perhaps I will catch you up in another blog post. I am very glad it was a school day, so that I was up and dressed. Anyway, he took a good look at the dishwasher situation and started right to work. Despite that distraction, I manged to get Sweetcheeks to school (barely) on time.

So, the plumber completed all tasks admirably and was done by noon! I am the proud new owner of a functioning, energy-efficient, stainless steel dishwasher that's all fancy and stuff and runs as quiet as a mouse. It's quite a departure from the previous model (circa 80s) that was small, beige, so NOT energy efficient, and sounded just like a jet airplane taking off. (No joke. You had to hear it to believe it). I immediately made my huge sink-full of dirty dishes disappear. Hooray!

Anyway, to abbreviate (ha!) a bit: we picked Sweetcheeks up on time, I had time to prepare a healthy lunch AND take care of Babyman, we were early (beyond amazing) for Littleman's gym class, he had a good class, I got to do a little knitting, the weather was gorgeous. We went to the mall to get a birthday present (a boy's shirt), my first-choice store (Gymboree) had adorable stuff in stock which was on sale, and I got to get Littleman and Sweetcheeks each something they needed, too. Score! The boys had a blast at the indoor playground, actually playing tag in a semi-organized fashion. It was hilarious, and fun to watch. We all got tea at Teavana (LOVE that store!) and the boys received balloons from the nice lady in Nordstrom on our way out.

Drove all the way home, and realized that I was VERY low on gas. Littleman was asleep and the other two boys were chill, so I turned right back around to go to the gas station. Good thing too (and here's where it got interesting)- I reached for my wallet and it wasn't there. I looked and looked in the van, but no luck. (Right about now, Babyman starts to fuss). I started really digging for it, under stuff, in bags, in the back, under the seats. No luck. I start freaking out a bit. I start wondering if I might have to cancel credit cards, debit card, get a new license, replace insurance cards, how much cash did I have in there? Probably not much, but I can't remember. . . What other important cards are in there? I'm not even sure. . . Shit. Plus, it's traffic time, my gas tank is on empty and I have no money anywhere. No ATM card. No credit card. Oh, and a crying baby.

* * *

As if on cue, as I was writing this blog post it was right about here that Babyman started crying. I went to tend to him, and fell asleep, and now it is 2:30 in the morning and the rest of this story will just have to wait. To be continued. . .

forgetting, a busy week and kids' classes

Monday, August 13, 2007

forgetting, a busy week and kids’ classes Current mood: hungry I was folding diapers after putting the boys to bed, and thought of something I wanted to look up online. I went downstairs to grab my laptop, made a brief detour to feed the cat and dog, came back upstairs and realized I've completely forgotten what it was I wanted to look up. I have tried everything I can think of to remember- no luck. Sigh. Anyway, it has been a busy week. Littleman spent a lot of time with Grandma, Grandpa, his Auntie and cousins. They went to Stone Mountain, and swimming, and he spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's. Thursday we all met up (Billy too!) in Helen, GA to go tubing. It was brutally hot outside, but surprisingly pleasant down on the river. It really was nice- we'll go again sometime! Sweetcheeks spent the night with my Mom one night, and went with me to pre-register for Montessori school! We have decided to send Sweetcheeks to the same Montessori program that Littleman went to for a year. Luckily, they had a 2-day slot available with our favorite teacher. :) So we are all excited about that! I think Sweetcheeks will feel proud to have his own special activity to go do. Also this past week, Littleman got to go to work with Daddy one day, and we had guests for dinner on Friday, which was really nice. This upcoming week looks like it will be nearly as busy! I am struggling to decide on a class for Littleman to take. He would like to continue at the Montessori school, but they do not offer part-time classes for his age group. (2 days a week is what we prefer). He did enjoy his classes at The Little Gym, but seems a bit lukewarm on the idea of continuing them. He seems uninterested in the idea of art or music classes, or martial arts (which I think he's still a bit too young for anyway). I do not want to send him to a preschool program that's basically glorified babysitting, but I'm not looking for a structured pre-K program either. However I do think he would benefit from something away from me, that was fun and that he could feel proud of. Ideally, it would be something I can drop him off for and have time to go run a few errands before he was ready to be picked up- so really, the 1-hr Little Gym classes are a bit too short. The upshot of that little ramble: Do any of you have any suggestions? (He'll be 4 in October). I guess I really should sign off- tomorrow is a busy day, with phone calls to make, paperwork to complete for the Montessori school and for my hospital pre-registration, a trip to the post office and probably Sweetcheeks' very first haircut! (Don't worry, I'm not going to have them cut it short like Littleman's- I'll want to preserve the curls). :) I should go to bed.

6 'directionally challenged' lessons learned:

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

6 'directionally challenged' lessons learned: Current mood: frustrated I just spent almost 2 hours driving nowhere. My own fault. Oh, well. I was heading out (already late) to hang out with a friend in Braselton. When I got to the highway, I could see cars backing off the ramp to get away- traffic on 85 was at a dead standstill. I didn't know where the problem was, but I decided to go around it. * Lesson number 1: Do not leave the house without the phone number of the person you are going to visit. (I don't know how I managed that one). * Lesson number 2: Keep your trusty map handy (visible, and in reach) at all times. * Lesson number 3: If you cannot reach anyone on the phone who can help, and you don't know where your map is, pull over. Find the map or get directions. I did not do any of the above- I decided to fudge it. I can find my way around up here pretty well, so that might even have worked OK. However. * Lesson number 4: Read road signs very carefully. * Lesson number 5: If you have a nagging feeling that something isn't quite right, pull over and check out your hunch. (Again, look at a map or get directions). I drove way too far, on the wrong road. I did finally pull over and unearth my map. * Lesson number 6: If you decide to take an alternate, unfamiliar route, check and recheck your progress at "major" intersections. I passed my destination again, and finally ended up at the correct exit on 85. At 9 pm. Disgruntled, with a restless Sweetcheeks in the backseat (luckily Littleman was off with Billy), I decided to give it up and go home. We pulled into our driveway nearly 2 hours after we'd left. Sigh. Oh well! Time to get Sweetcheeks to bed.

slacker.

Monday, January 15, 2007

slacker. Current mood: guilty Well, I'm a slacker. I write the newsletter for my neighborhood association. Not a big deal, though it can take awhile for all of us to get together and figure out what news should go in it. We are all busy, unpaid volunteers and our president can get behind sometimes. We tend to have more good ideas than the oomph and organization to complete them, but gradually over the years things have definitely improved. I try to do my small part well, in a timely manner. Our last officers' meeting was before Christmas, in which we decided that it was very important to get a newsletter out the first week of January. I needed one key piece of information from the president before the newsletter would be ready to print, but for the most part I had all the notes I needed. Then the holidays strike, things get busy, stuff gets tidied up and shuttled around, and I keep putting off writing the newsletter. Also, mr. president has yet to call me with the last piece of info. (I usually have to call him, though). Finally tonight I sit down to write the newsletter (I can get the last bit of information tomorrow) and I cannot find my notes. Dammit. So I am a slacker, and a disorganized one at that. Sigh. I console myself with the knowledge that most likely, other officers have not come through with their duties these last weeks, and therefore we couldn't have sent the newsletter yet anyway. But I hate not keeping my end of the bargain. I'll find out what's up tomorrow, and perhaps we can all start fresh. It's so hard to keep up with things like this over the holidays- it just gets pushed aside. In the meantime, I am thinking I will do some yoga now that the boys are asleep. It will be nice to do the poses without functioning as a jungle gym at the same time. :)

all over the map tonight

Monday, November 13, 2006

all over the map tonight Current mood: disappointed "I am a big boy." "Yes you are, sweetie." "I have to get bigger so I can have a skateboard." "Well yes, you are still too small to have a skateboard." "Yes I have to get bigger and then I will get a skateboard, and I will ride it on the ramps. I will ride it on the BIG ramps, and I will carry my skateboard like this." (he demonstrates) "Hmm, what kind of skateboard will I get? Oh I will get one with a skeleton. My skateboard will have a skeleton on it and I will ride it on the big ramps when we go to the mall. I will have a skateboard and carry it like this." "Wow, well OK when you get bigger you might be able to do all that." "Yeah." * * * Tonight I was all set to go to yoga again. We're supposed to meet my neighbor there. Diaper bag packed, kids fed, running late but can still make it on time. Sweetcheeks is dressed and ready; I'm helping Littleman dress quickly. I reach for his shoes. Not there. I quickly search around. Nowhere in sight. Littleman (of course) doesn't remember where they are. I rush about, grousing and still hoping to get out of the house in time, but still I can't find them. I run outside and look in the car. I call Billy on the off chance that he knows where they are, but no luck. (He helpfully suggests that I check the freezer). I continue looking, though I am realizing we're not likely to make it by now. Finally I do discover them, in the dirty clothes hamper. I don't know why Littleman decided they needed to go in there. We are actually buckled into the car, engine running, before I make a final realistic assesment of the time and decide there's not much point in going- the class would be half over. Dammit. We drove around the block for the hell of it and came back inside. I left a message for my neighbor to explain our absence, and while the boys munched the goldfish crackers I'd packed for them, I at least do some yoga to a DVD in the living room. Even without the ever-present interruptions and distractions here, the DVDs are just not the same as going to a class. I'm not sure if it's that a class is more challenging (usually), or that I have an easier time relaxing when I am somewhere else and I am just following instruction. But in any case the DVDs, though better than nothing, do not leave me feeling as good as if I've just done a good yoga class. Sigh. After my yoga DVD, I put on Winged Migration for the boys while I ate dinner. I've not pulled out that movie in a long while, and both boys were entranced. That was nice. Littleman even continued to watch it as I put Sweetcheeks to bed. I'm glad they enjoy it. * * * Tonight I am grateful for tea, for finding things that were lost, leftovers for dinner (ah so easy!) and for strong foundations. * * * Musing on homeschooling: there is always the question of "socialization". People think homeschooling can be bad for children because they do not get a chance to "socialize". Well, what does it mean to "socialize" someone? The American Heritage Dictionary offers three definitions. To "socialize" someone can mean: "To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable." OK. But "socialize" also means: "To place under government or group ownership or control", and "To convert or adapt to the needs of society." Yes, I'd say public schools definitely strive to "socialize" children. Let's just say that I don't think "socialization" is all it's cracked up to be. * * * I think that's enough random postings for tonight. :)

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandma's house we go

Friday, September 08, 2006

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandma's house we go Current mood: numb Yesterday, I took the boys to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Littleman's cousin (the one closest in age) was there, and the boys would get to play together and drive the battery-powered jeeps around the property. We planned to stay for dinner, get Littleman ready for bed and drive home at a reasonable bedtime, since Littleman had Montessori to get to this morning. I brought a quilt I have been working on (read: a quilt that has been sitting around, that I keep meaning to work on) since I was pregnant with Sweetcheeks, and a book I am reading. Ha ha ha. Who was I kidding? It was one minor emergency after another. Potty training accidents, an episode with a goo-filled toy that sprung a leak all over Mr. Cheeks (is it toxic? did he eat any? I don't know. . .) and the resulting baths, a rebellious toddler and a tired baby who positively refuses to nap, and constant surviellance in a home that's not baby-proofed. By the time we'd finished dinner and I was helping clean up, I was ready to go. Probably, Grandma and Grandpa were looking forward to some peace as well. I got the boys ready to go and picked up a couple things to load in the car. I couldn't find my keys. They were not on the table, and I remembered I'd seen them under the table on the floor when I was sweeping after dinner. (By the time I'd swept my pile into the dustpan and tossed it, I'd already forgotten about my keys. My attention span is SHOT). I figured Mr. Sweetcheeks had taken them when he was playing under the table. It had been less than an hour- they couldn't have gone far. We turned that house upside down. We searched for three solid hours before giving up for the night and going to bed. (Isn't it fun to stay the night someplace when you absolutely did not pack for it? Especially with two young children? One of whom will be missing school in the morning because you can't find your keys?) Before turning in finally I had to tape plastic over my open car windows, since there was no way I could roll them up. I'm glad it didn't rain after all. Luckily Littleman slept well, but Sweetcheeks woke several times throughout the night. In the morning, we still couldn't find the keys. After a few phone calls (Billy helped from home) we decided I should get to a Subaru dealership to have new keys made. I figured I'd get a couple copies, and not buy a new keyless entry remote since I still hoped my keys would turn up somewhere (and it would have cost $60!). Grandma decided to forgo a luncheon she was supposed to attend, and amidst my car alarm sounding I managed to remove the car seats from my car and install them in Grandma's van. (The car alarm shut itself off eventually, thank goodness). I'd not had breakfast, but we were in a hurry. We all drove the long way to the nearest Subaru dealer, and luckily it was pretty quick and painless to show them the required information and get the new keys made. On the way back to Grandma's, Grandpa called to say he'd found my keys upstairs in his office. (!) We are still scratching our heads over that one. It can only have been Littleman or his cousin, who went upstairs with Grandma for just a couple minutes the night before. It doesn't take much. Though I am beginning to favor a more supernatural explanation, since I often have trouble finding my keys there and I do not have this problem elsewhere. Grandma and Grandpa have lost at least one key there and it's a total mystery. I think one of the spirits/ghosts who lives there must like keys, and enjoys moving them about to drive us crazy. Anyhow that's my explanation. ;) SO, at least now I have a couple working spares, which I should have had to begin with. I fed the kids lunch and Grandma made her next appointment on time. I re-installed the car seats, loaded up the car and with the boys in their last clean articles of clothing (a shirt and underwear or diaper for each of them) we finally arrived home. But wait! There's more! I get mostly unloaded, the kids are upstairs playing and I check my e-mail. Lo and behold, there's a reminder for a curriculum night at Littleman's school at 6 pm tonight. It's now 5:00. I'd completely forgotten. I really needed to be there, and I'd feel very guilty missing it because I've somehow managed to miss every other school presentation so far this year. I call, and discover they are not providing childcare. Argh. So I start phone calling, trying to find someone to watch the boys for an hour or so. I do find a babysitter, I hastily pack the diaper bag and get them dressed, drop them off at my neighbor's house, and make the meeting (only 20 minutes late! Ha!). I'm glad I went- it was enjoyable and enlightening. Only a glass of wine would have improved things, LOL. I picked up happy boys from cheerful sitters (who watched the boys longer than an hour for me), paid my $20 and went home. Dinner, bath and bedtime later, I am finally at the end of my story here. Whew. I am glad to be home.