Good News

Well, well, well. Almost one year exactly since my last post. It truly is amazing what all can happen in just 12 months.

I am indescribably happy to report that I am sitting on our porch, listening to the birds and the water, the wind and the windchimes, feeling the breeze and the warm sunlight. OUR porch. On the family property. Yes, we finally pulled it off. :) This wonderful place is home.



It took a few more weeks after I wrote my last post, but we did find some renters for our house. We had to accept a reduced rent but at least they have been good tenants so far. Once that was settled, it took a good 3 months to jump through all the mortgage hoops in order to secure financing to pay off Billy's siblings. We moved in the beginning of October 2012. I still have trouble believing we managed it- it definitely would not have been possible without help from all quarters, including our real estate agent, our mortgage broker who was nothing short of amazing, and of course our incredible friends who supported our quest through to completion. We are forever grateful.



Of course moving in, as difficult as it was to achieve, is still only the beginning! A property like this requires a lot of maintenance, and on top of that we have wonderful plans for improving it and truly making it our home.



We've begun remodeling to the interior of the house, and I am hard at work building and maintaining a large vegetable garden in the field.



There are all the usual adjustments to moving a family, plus we are sort of rebuilding our lives after having everything on hold for 2 years. On top of all that we are still piloting our business through some of the toughest financial times we've sailed it through, and while the sky there is clearing we still have a way to go. Sometimes it seems a bit overwhelming, but then I take my coffee out onto the porch in the morning and I remember all over again what a gift and a blessing it is to be here and to be caretaker of this incredible legacy.



(All photos were taken by me with a Motorola Atrix 2 cellphone 8MP camera, except: the family portrait- for that I used the camera phone to snap a picture of the professional print, which is from a chain portrait studio- and the picture of me mixing grout, which was taken by my friend Jeff.)

Our Plan for Household Chores

Like lots of parents, I have struggled to find a good way to get my children to help out with household chores. Sometimes I felt like I was expecting too much, other times like I was being too lenient. Almost all the time there was resistance, arguing and resentment over doing chores. It gets very old very fast. (I hazard a guess here, that you know exactly what I mean.) I have been feeling my way along for some time now, looking for a system that will be effective: that will get my kids doing necessary chores with a minimum of fuss but without violating some of my parenting philosophy. I have recently implemented a plan I've been brewing for some time, and so far I am very pleased.

First of all, I wanted the boys to have some chores that they simply must do. There is no reward, it is simply their responsibility as members of this family. I wanted the chores to rotate, and to be spread out as fairly as possible. However I did not want to spend a lot of time each week writing out a chore schedule. At some point I stumbled upon Chore Buster, which I have been using ever since. It takes care of the "have to" chore charts automatically, and even allows me to key in all sorts of variables that refine its methods for our family. (For instance, I can mark chores as only for certain people, I can rate the relative difficulty of each chore, and note which family members should do more or fewer chores in general.) I tweak our system often so the computer generates just what we need.

So, each day at breakfast (except Tuesdays, their day off) I look online and see what the kids' chores are for the day. Generally it's just one or two things for each older boy, besides "brush your teeth". (Babyman doesn't really participate in chores yet.) As soon as breakfast is done the boys are supposed to complete the day's chore list. We've been doing this for some time, so by now the whining is minimized. We are still struggling with focusing on the job at hand, so it can be completed in less than oh, say, all day long. Two things have helped speed things up a bit: first, that there will be no computer time until chores are complete. Second, they cannot earn any points for extra chores unless their daily "have to" chores are completed first. These are the only two positive incentives I've found that actually have motivating power.

Now, on to those "extra" chores. I created a long list of chores that are within the abilities of the boys. Each chore earns a certain number of points. For instance, "Pick up and sweep the kitchen" is worth 12 points, and so is "Sweep the deck and porch". "Dust the bookshelves" is 10 points. "Brush the dogs" is worth 5 points, "Fold laundry and help put away" is worth 5 points per 1/2 load, and "Clean your bathroom sink, counter and mirror" is 10 points. "Comb your hair" is worth 3 points, and "Pick up and vacuum your room and the hallway" is 10.

I chose points based on how much the kids hate the chore (thus hated sweeping is worth a bit more than fun vacuuming), how difficult or time-consuming the chore is, and how much I will need to be involved- the more I have to be involved, the less the chore is worth. (Thus folding laundry isn't worth a lot because I have to "help" so much- but it's on the list because they need the practice.) I tried to keep each chore of a manageable size, breaking them up by room or task when necessary. Also, some tasks are worth less but can be repeated several times to earn more points- brushing the dogs and folding laundry, for instance, and also "Pick up toys".

Underneath each chore is an explanation of what needs to be done for it to be completed to my satisfaction. For instance, to earn 5 points for brushing the dogs, the kid has to fill the dog brush with hair. "Clean the bathroom floor" means pick everything off the floor and put it away, shake out bath mat, sweep well, put all dirt and hair in the trash and replace bath mat. (It's an easy job, worth 5 points per bathroom.)

I pretty much stuck with just household chores. "Comb your hair" and "Read a book to Mommy or Daddy" (5 points for Littleman, 10 for the Pirate) are the only exceptions. This is because personal hygiene is not optional, and I don't want to tie our "school" tasks to a rewards system.

Finally, I made a list of rewards that the boys may redeem their points for. Here it is (subject to plenty of future revisions, I'm sure):

* Play with Play-doh - - - - - - - 15 points
* Get one fruit roll-up - - - - - - 20 points
* Make popcorn - - - - - - - - 20 points
* Earn $1.00 - - - - - - - - - 25 points
* Go to Sonic for a slush - - - - - - 30 points
* Go to the library an extra visit - - - - 35 points
* Get 30 minutes of computer time - - - - 40 points
* Watch a movie of your choice - - - - - 50 points
* Make cookies with Mommy - - - - - - 60 points
* Go to our favorite playground - - - - 70 points
* Buy a book at the bookstore - - - - - 80 points
* Go out for ice cream - - - - - - - 85 points
* Visit a new park with [their Grandmothers] - 90 points
* Have a friend spend the night - - - - 100 points
* Go play mini-golf with Daddy - - - - - 165 points
* Get a family field trip to the aquarium! - - 200 points

So far this seems about right- some things may be more or less "expensive" than they ought to be, but we will see. I tried to keep the list heavy on the "activity" rewards as opposed to "give me" rewards. This puts a greater burden on me, but I feel better about it. As you can see, earning money is still an option. If one of the boys wants to save money to buy a toy (or whatever), they may do so by earning dollars. However if they want to buy a book, they only need to earn 80 points and I will purchase a book for them. I wanted books to have a distinct advantage, here. :) Each boy has a chart with days of the week, in which I use tally marks to record how many points they earn each day. They've been using a lot of math skills keeping track of their points, and figuring how many points they still need for various goals.

Obviously if you choose to try something like this in your home, the lists can be customized every which way to fit your family.

I realize this is a bit complicated, but it combines a lot of elements that I really like:
- there are daily chores that are not optional, but the list is short
- there is an incentive to complete non-optional chores quickly (so they can have time to earn points afterwards)
- if they choose not to do any chores beyond the daily list, it's OK. The burden does not fall on me to force the issue
- if they choose to do extra chores they are rewarded
- the more they do, the more they are rewarded
- they can earn money, but the focus is not on money in particular
- saving points and patiently working toward goals is encouraged (a good habit), but there are faster rewards if needed
- they practice their reading and math skills (and more!) while interpreting the charts
- the system is very flexible for our busy schedule
- it is also easily edited as our needs change or problems arise
- I now have the ability to occasionally reward points for unrelated things, at my discretion
- other family members can get involved by offering prizes or outings the kids may choose to earn
- and probably more benefits I'm not thinking of right now :)

The boys are actually enjoying it thus far (though we've only been doing the "extra" chores and points system for a few days, so we'll see how things progress in the future.) The Pirate has only earned a few points, but Littleman has enthusiastically racked up 31 points in a couple days. His goal is a trip to the bookstore to buy a book about Legos.

Sorry for the long explanation- I know several of you were interested in finding out more, so I hope this helps! :)

Live Your Dream

It hit me today: how easy it is to have a dream, but to allow yourself to be so distracted that you no longer hold that image, that dream in your mind's eye. It's one thing to have to attend to daily matters- that's going to happen. Sometimes we also have to set our own concerns aside for awhile if friends or family need our help. But the trick is to do these things without losing sight of our dream.

My experience has been that dreams are attainable. There are some tricks to attaining them however, and the most important trick is the dream itself. To have an attainable dream, you need a clear idea of the whole picture, uncluttered by things you only think you want. Dreams need detail. Don't be afraid to imagine in HD. It's OK if there are a few nuts and bolts that you aren't sure of, but overall you need to have a clear image to work with.

Once you have the detail, look carefully at your dream. Figure out what parts are most important to you- what are you really wishing for, deep down? What parts of your dream are the yearnings of your soul, and what parts are fluff or simply a means to an end? For instance, a lot of people dream of winning the lottery. I ask, what's the point? Often it's because they yearn for the sense of security that they imagine would come from having a great deal of money. I understand this, definitely. But what is the true dream here? The money? Or the feeling? Perhaps someone wishes to win the lottery so that they can travel. Well then, the travel experiences are the dream, not the money. To help your dream come to reality, you need a clear idea of what it is you REALLY want, and why you want it. Always examine your dreams in this way. Even something that seems silly on the surface can reveal something important about yourself, and allow you to understand what things might make you happier.

Once you have a nice, clearheaded picture of your true desire, complete with details and stripped of red herrings, you need to hold onto that image. Think about your dream. Tape a picture on the fridge, if that will help you remember. Read things relevant to your dream. If you've narrowed your image down to what's really important to you, then you're likely to want to read and think about it anyway. Let yourself imagine it. Pretend you're writing a story about a character who attains this dream. (Or go ahead and write one!) Whatever you want to do that keeps the idea percolating in your mind. Revise your dream as you understand it better, but don't lose sight of what's really important to you- your soul's desire.

These simple sounding steps are, in a way, the hardest steps to attaining your goal. Know what you REALLY want. (That one's very tough.) Allow yourself to dream in detail. (Don't think this part is frivolous.) And hold that dream in your mind. Don't lose sight of it. Don't forget about it.

Then comes the last step, really: LIVE your dream. Yes I'm over-simplifying things a bit. But it really isn't that complicated in concept. It might seem impossible, it might seem like the "wrong time", you might not have all your ducks in a row. You might not have enough money. But if you know what you REALLY, REALLY want, then just go get it. The rest will fall into place. I'm not saying it will be easy to do. But do it anyway. My experience is, that you'll start to find things just work out when you're headed in the right direction. Just don't lose the dream.

* * *

Synchronicity is merely a sign that you are tuning to the right frequency.

* * *

While I was writing this post, someone sent me a link to this song. Don't be put off by the fact that it's Miley Cyrus. (LOL!) I like it a lot. And it seemed so relevant to my musings, I got goosebumps.


Live your dream, my friends. Live your dream.

Navel Gazing: "Shut Up."

My brain has been waking up.

You know that saying, that you don't know what you have until it's gone? Well, sometimes you don't know what you've lost until it returns.

See, Babyman isn't sleeping through the night. He's nearing 18 months old, but he still isn't sleeping through the night. Gradually gradually however, he has been doing better at night. I've had a number of nights now where he has only woken once, and often that's while I am still up. So for me, there have been a number of nights that I get a full night's sleep. It's heavenly. I'm still tired all the time, and it will be a long while before I catch up on my sleep, but the difference is palpable.

Before, I felt like I was functioning pretty well, and I guess I was. The kids were cared for, the bills were paid, we managed to get to our various commitments if not on time, then at least in time to participate. The house wasn't (isn't) clean, but we had clothes to wear and dishes to eat out of. I spoke to my friends and family on a regular basis and felt like I'd had a good conversation once in awhile. I knew I wasn't doing as much as I'd like, but I was doing the best I could and it was OK.

Now I realize how little I was engaging the world around me. Sure, I was talking to people and observing my environment, but only a small percentage was being processed. I didn't talk as much as I might normally, because I couldn't hold a coherent thought in my head long enough to verbalize it and still be in the flow of the conversation. I wasn't actually noticing a lot of what was going on around me. I knew what the kids were up too; that was important. But beyond that, I was too sleepless and distracted to see much of what was happening. So I listened a lot, heard a little, and talked less.

I am still distracted, still scattered, but I am a lot more awake and aware than I was before. My neurons are firing in sync a lot more often than they were before, allowing me to follow conversations and think of things to say. This has led to a new problem: I talk too much. Now I make connections between what is being said in the conversation and my own experiences, and I am blurting them out before I've had time to think about whether it's really going to further the discussion or not. Sometimes, I am so excited by what's being said that I am interrupting people to blurt out things that are marginally useful at best. This goes for conversations with adults AND things I say to my kids. Too often, I am telling myself, "Shut up, Kit, just shut up."

I am SO glad to be functioning a little better. The sleep was desperately needed. I feel so much more awake and engaged, and I am getting more done. I see the benefits in so many little areas of my life. I didn't realize how badly my sleepless nights were taking their toll, until I started waking up. However, I am going to have to reign in this verbal barrage that spills out of my mouth. It's going to take conscious effort. Listen more, talk less. Make words the currency that you spend wisely. That's what I will work toward. (Hmm, it might be a good goal for my WRITING too, eh? Sorry.) Hopefully, I will find my balance where I can take care of business, enjoy socializing, and contribute to conversations without running my mouth non-stop. It's a goal. :)

Those of you with kids: did you notice the difference in your life when your baby (or babies) started sleeping better? In your mental function? Everyone: is there anything you are working toward improving in yourself right now?

wonder

Friday, February 15, 2008

wonder
Current mood: inspired

It seems like I am often writing about the trials of my mommy existence, yet I seldom make note of the simple unadulterated joy that's also involved. There are a few reasons for this- usually the trials make for better writing, and I have a need to write about them. It helps relieve a little tension and allow me to laugh at myself. But unfortunately, another reason is that I simply tend to see the tough stuff more than the joy. I am so swept up in managing, that I am missing out on the little moments- flashes of beauty that can suddenly bring it all into perspective.

What brought this realization to mind was a simple instant earlier this week: I was driving to pick Sweetcheeks up from Montessori, and Littleman was in his seat in the back of the van. The weather was lovely, and I had the radio on. A Genesis song came on, and Littleman asked me to turn it up. My mind was wandering, ticking off lists in my head and planning strategies to try to manage the day efficiently. I looked in my mirror to check on Littleman in the back seat, just as I do often, without thinking. This time however, the whole moment caught my attention and I suddenly felt aware. Littleman was watching out the window, lips pursed, head bobbing expertly to the beat. His bedhead was particularly admirable that day, his hair exploding off one side of his head as if he were still moving at mach speed even when strapped into his carseat. He was so present, so genuine and delightful. It wasn't anything Earth-shattering- in fact it was quite normal- but suddenly I was aware of the blessing of it all, and the beauty of that moment.

Not only did I revel in the sudden awareness, but I realized that I should be paying closer attention to these little joys. That I wasn't keeping myself open, so that the wonder could shine through. This is key, I think, to reawakening the relaxed, creative and spontaneous self I used to be. The first step to creating magic in my life is to recognize the magic I already have, and wonder at it.

* * *

Today's thumbs-up is for these acoustic images- remarkable little atmospheric tracks put together from field recordings gathered all over the world. The site is called WildTracks, and the recordings are by Steven Van Roy. Have a listen, and enjoy.
(note: after you click on the title of the track you want to hear, you still have to click play. It took me awhile to figure that out. Doh).

That was fun! And 5 pointers.

Friday, January 05, 2007

That was fun! And 5 pointers. Current mood: good OK, no I have not disappeared, nor have I moved to Alaska (more's the pity, in some ways)- the holiday vortex sucked me up and spit me back out again, and I am just now recovering. Not to say it was not fun, because actually I had a blast this Yule season and New Year's Eve. I am really beginning to understand how parents get out of hand at Christmas. What fun! I try to stay very aware of my core values, so that I don't get too swept away and end up trying to do too much, or spend too much, or eat too much (much) or get too behind. I love the holidays. Anyhow I am still catching up on some things (like laundry!!) and I have to get moving early (relatively speaking) tomorrow so I'll make tonight brief. I had a long, enjoyable conversation with my Dad tonight on the phone, in which we hashed out theories on the american dream, the decline of society, comfort zones and the beauties of cooking with wine. (to name a few). It left me wanting to type this: 1) Know what you want. (Often the hardest step). 2) Believe you can get it. (And you must also know you are worthy and capable of having it). Be prepared for a rocky road getting there, since leaving your comfort zone (even for something much better) is always very hard. 4) Start walking in the right direction. (Be proactive, stay focused and make room in your life for success). 5) Don't give up.

Reach your goals

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Reach your goals Current mood: thoughtful When you decide to march toward a specific goal, is it better to "keep the faith", "your eyes on the prize", to maintain a clear focus and never waver from that path? Or is it better to take a guerrilla approach, keeping the ultimate goal in mind but scooting your way toward it any which way you can- dodging behind trees, perhaps taking a detour if necessary to avoid an obstacle in your way? On the one hand it seems the first approach is the best method- pure, simple and elemental. Visualize your goals, start off in that direction and never waver in your belief that you will find your way there. Treat it as a done deal. Do not hedge your bets, do not doubt that the universe will honor your convictions. Do this well, and you will manifest your Will. In practice however, I think it is more effective to combine the convictions of the first method with the flexibility and determination of the second. I have heard people who ascribe to the first method speak of keeping their minds and hearts open to their ultimate goal or something better, whichever path the Universe (or God, or spirits etc) feels is best. This is all well and good, but I think the problem lies in the fact that this is a passive approach. Many say that you must clear space in your life to make room for the good things you want to come in. That's probably true- but I don't think it's wise to stop there. As a matter of fact, I think that is barely the beginning. Making room in your life for your goals, clearly visualizing them and never doubting that you will reach them is a fine and necessary foundation, but it is only the foundation. To finish the temple you need blood, sweat and ingenuity. You need bricks and mortar. You have to build your way toward that goal, and if an obstacle presents itself you must find your way past it. You need a guerrilla approach. There is the popular phrase, "God helps those who help themselves". I think many people underestimate just how much God wants us to solve our own problems. They think they are marching toward their goals, but really they are wandering in circles trying to get past some roadblock- physical, mental or spiritual. It can be painful getting around these problems. There are briar patches, and ravines, and sometimes hungry wolves. You must be careful not to get so hung up on getting around a problem, that you miss seeing the simple way through. You also must beware of taking a side path that, rather than bringing you back toward your goal, actually turns out to be taking you far aside in a different direction. Sometimes you have to backtrack a bit. But if you do not lose faith in yourself, you visualize your goals clearly and maintain a steady persistence you will acheive your dreams (and more).