Unschooling

Wow, it has been a long time. There are many reasons for my blog absence, and perhaps I will go into them in a later post. For now though, I want to write a few things about homeschooling. They are, of course, merely my own thoughts and experiences. I don't presume to say this applies to anyone other than our own family.

As I've probably mentioned, I homeschool our three boys- now aged 8, 6 and 4. I do not believe in doing "school at home"- if I wanted to impose timed classes and pre-written curricula on my children, I would seek a good school for their education. It would certainly be easier on me. Instead, our learning is very fluid, completely integrated into our daily life. We do not have separate time for "school", or even designated "school days". I do not have an external curriculum for my children to follow. I do not write lesson plans, administer pop quizzes, or assign projects. Instead, I actively seek to create an environment for my children that is varied, interesting and enriching, full of exciting and challenging experiences. I listen to them, and I seek to answer their questions as accurately and completely as I can, at the level (or just slightly above) they can understand.

I often ask questions and introduce ideas or experiences that might spark curiosity or further questioning from my children, but I do not force them to memorize facts in order that they may spit them out accurately later. If, after answering a question, the child is still interested in a topic, I will continue the conversation and often seek media to help me illustrate and expand on the topic. I have been pleased with the information that they retain, but the real payoff is in making connections between ideas and developing a less quantifiable, but more fundamental understanding of how the world works.

My approach is based on the ideas and theories of the educational researcher John Holt, who wrote extensively about education from the 60s until his death in 1985. He is considered by many to be the founder of the "Unschooling" movement- a term he coined to describe learning that did not take place in a school or a school-like environment. (As I recall, despite the fact that he came up with the term he said he felt it was rather inadequate, as it is based on what the method is NOT instead of describing what the method IS. He said it was the best he could come up with in one word. But don't quote me on that. I don't feel like hunting up his exact words right now.)

Unschooling, while still a young and controversial movement, has continued to grow since John Holt first introduced the idea. It is a difficult movement to pin down, since it is still defined more by what it does not practice, than by what it does. This is because the unschooling approach is extremely individualized, responding to the interests and needs of individual children and families, rather than imposing a standardized external model. It's hard to define something that looks different for every practitioner. In addition, unschooling is, in practice, often nearly inseparable from parenting methods, making it that much more difficult to study the effects of the practice without being influenced by the widely varying personalities and familial experiences of the unschoolers themselves. Are positive or negative results of unschooling due to the philosophy and educational practice, or are they moreso the result of parental practices? Is it even possible to separate the two? I don't have the answers to these questions. My concern is, "Is it right for my children?" I think, at least in the realm of "education", that it is.

I am often questioned, sometimes vehemently, about the advisability of using such an untested and controversial model for educating our children. "How can that possibly work?" "Kids don't know what they should learn!" "How will unschooled kids ever adapt to the real world?" "They will have huge gaps in their education." "They will grow up and feel that you failed them." "They will not be equipped to compete in a changing and extremely competitive, cutthroat world." "Show me evidence that this method works." "You aren't challenging them enough." "I need proof that they are learning." And so on, and so forth.

I have been tasked with finding evidence that Unschooling "works". That Unschooled kids can grow up to be successful, productive adults. That they can adapt to a world which seeks to impose external requirements and frameworks, requires one to be on time, and often requires one to work hard at something one does not like, in order to reach a goal. That Unschooling will not leave kids struggling to compete in a world that does not cater to their individual interests. Unfortunately, there has been little (if any) standardized research done on Unschooling and its results. I am continuing to seek and read what information I can find, and I am compiling a list of links relevant to this research. If you have any ideas or suggestions, I welcome the help. :)

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PS- I should note, that I am not strictly an Unschooler in my actual homeschool practice. I do require my children to complete some "educational" tasks, even at their sometimes objections. The older they are, the more likely I am to impose some "forced" "learning" activities. My 8 yr old is in second grade this year (his birthday is in October), so I require him to complete some coursework in an online curriculum called "Time 4 Learning". My 6 yr old is in first grade, and I "force" him to sit down with me and work on reading from time to time. I question them occasionally on topics (such as money value, geography, or subtraction for instance) to see for myself how easily and completely they seem to remember and understand those things. I also administered the standardized CAT test at the beginning of this school year, which is not very "Unschool" of me. ;) I plan to administer a standardized test yearly, to help me keep track of "expected" learning and to help reassure my relevant detractors.

Summer Night's Implosion

The other night, we ate out for dinner. Afterwards, Billy took all the boys to go to Grandma's house, and I came home. All. By. Myself. Ahh.

Driving home, I had the windows rolled down to catch the cooler night air. The temperature gauge read 84 degrees F, but compared to daytime temps it was right refreshing. The dense summer air was a sun-warmed stream washing over me, not icy but still wonderfully cool and pleasant, caressing my face and arms and tossing my hair.

The peace of being by myself is almost overwhelming. I really have a rather solitary nature, though I have learned to be a lot more social since becoming an adult. My solitary tendencies are viciously squashed during this stage of my life, as I spend every moment with other people, mostly small persons who depend on me heavily. From the outside, it must seem fairly simple to carve out a little alone time in my days- stealing some moments while the children are sleeping or busy. However even in these brief respites, I am in demand. At any instant, I am likely to be called upon. At every instant, I am calculating, managing, thinking ahead. It is only when they leave my presence entirely, safe in responsible hands, that I'm suddenly reminded what it's really like to be by myself. My bodily needs are the only bodily needs I must concern myself with. Other duties may call, but my thoughts are my own. It's really quite drastic.

I slowed down along Main St, admiring the old overhanging oak branches and the golden glow of the streetlights. The intense humidity refracted the lights, giving each one its own halo, softening the light into something more akin to fireflies than lightbulbs. I smiled, picturing the regimental parade of fireflies, marching down Main Street in celebratory fashion. The crickets chirped a jaunty summer rhythm in time.

Suddenly, all these elements came together in my awareness, the peacefulness of my own company, the wash of the summer night air, the soft glow of the lights, the trees, the crickets. Everything condensed with a bang, a little implosion of perception. It felt a bit like stepping into a parallel, enchanted universe, one that I used to frequent but that I'd somehow left behind. The night around me was positively alive with magic, bursting with impossible possibilities.

How has it become so easy for me to look past this wonder, blind to the beauties all around me? How have I become a person who can't see the forest for the trees? I am always striving, striving to meet a thousand worthy goals and a thousand more. I forge ahead, doing my best though I know there will never be enough of me to go around. In trying always to do better, to be more on top of things, I have shuttered my awareness of the finer wonders of the world. Somehow I, one whose very identity was wrapped up in magic, have managed to shelve that openness in favor of perceived efficiency.

Somehow in trying to improve, I am quashing the only parts of me that I felt truly sure of. My own personal wisdom, if you will. It is so very, very hard to be efficient and be open, relaxed, aware at the same time. Efficiency leaves very little room for serendipity. I hope I will be able to find that balance, to pole the deeper waters down the middle, where the current runs fast and sure, and I can sit back and enjoy the ride.

Enlightenment

Throbbing, pounding din of pain, ache so intense it seems to radiate from my head in an unholy halo of suffering. It started innocently enough, just an annoyance of a headache, nothing more- until the depth and intensity built upon itself the edifice of affliction known to me as "migraine". A true, full-blown migraine headache is a trippy experience (not that I'd be able to compare, of course) in pain, a place where loud noises explode before my eyes in visual fireworks, my stomach churns with nausea and any sudden movement I make can just about do me in entirely. Movement leaves me reeling. Normal headache medications are barely effective, if at all- today I never noticed the least difference after taking some. It was homeopathic silicea, and lying still in a warm bed with a cold washcloth over my eyes, that finally tamed the beast. (Plus some candied ginger for the nausea.) It took a couple hours of being very still (thank goodness for Babyman's nap time), but by dinnertime I was up and functional once again.

The night is only sweeter now for all the torment of the afternoon. After the pain, I am so grateful for the peace of this evening. My quiet music mingles with the chirrup and peep of the frogs and night insects, cool air drifts through my kitchen window, little else but the clack of my keyboard meets my ears. The boys sleep deeply, sprawled in little boy abandon across the rumpled covers of my bed. I am not bothered by what mess I see around me- I will tidy some of it, and the rest will patiently wait for tomorrow. Now is taken, now is full, now is a rich study in senses, a meditation, a time for awareness and wonder and gratitude.

Why do we need contrast to bring out the highlights? What is it about our human awareness that so consistently forgets our blessings, until suffering carves our experience into high relief? Is this then the goal of an enlightened existence: to live in a place of meditative, golden appreciation, to be able to bask in the glow of beauty and gratitude without needing darkness to make them apparent? Or does that smack of hubris, to imagine such a thing could be possible? For without dark, there is no light. They are so intertwined, so interdependent, that one shall never exist without the other. The trick then, is to find the beauty in both. We do not find enlightenment through seeking light. It is beauty we must see. Pause now, quiet your mind for just a moment, and find beauty. It is there. Relish it. Appreciate it. Be grateful for it. It is a blessing. Practice this often. You needn't journey for enlightenment. It is all around you.

There is no "seek". Only "see".

Live Your Dream

It hit me today: how easy it is to have a dream, but to allow yourself to be so distracted that you no longer hold that image, that dream in your mind's eye. It's one thing to have to attend to daily matters- that's going to happen. Sometimes we also have to set our own concerns aside for awhile if friends or family need our help. But the trick is to do these things without losing sight of our dream.

My experience has been that dreams are attainable. There are some tricks to attaining them however, and the most important trick is the dream itself. To have an attainable dream, you need a clear idea of the whole picture, uncluttered by things you only think you want. Dreams need detail. Don't be afraid to imagine in HD. It's OK if there are a few nuts and bolts that you aren't sure of, but overall you need to have a clear image to work with.

Once you have the detail, look carefully at your dream. Figure out what parts are most important to you- what are you really wishing for, deep down? What parts of your dream are the yearnings of your soul, and what parts are fluff or simply a means to an end? For instance, a lot of people dream of winning the lottery. I ask, what's the point? Often it's because they yearn for the sense of security that they imagine would come from having a great deal of money. I understand this, definitely. But what is the true dream here? The money? Or the feeling? Perhaps someone wishes to win the lottery so that they can travel. Well then, the travel experiences are the dream, not the money. To help your dream come to reality, you need a clear idea of what it is you REALLY want, and why you want it. Always examine your dreams in this way. Even something that seems silly on the surface can reveal something important about yourself, and allow you to understand what things might make you happier.

Once you have a nice, clearheaded picture of your true desire, complete with details and stripped of red herrings, you need to hold onto that image. Think about your dream. Tape a picture on the fridge, if that will help you remember. Read things relevant to your dream. If you've narrowed your image down to what's really important to you, then you're likely to want to read and think about it anyway. Let yourself imagine it. Pretend you're writing a story about a character who attains this dream. (Or go ahead and write one!) Whatever you want to do that keeps the idea percolating in your mind. Revise your dream as you understand it better, but don't lose sight of what's really important to you- your soul's desire.

These simple sounding steps are, in a way, the hardest steps to attaining your goal. Know what you REALLY want. (That one's very tough.) Allow yourself to dream in detail. (Don't think this part is frivolous.) And hold that dream in your mind. Don't lose sight of it. Don't forget about it.

Then comes the last step, really: LIVE your dream. Yes I'm over-simplifying things a bit. But it really isn't that complicated in concept. It might seem impossible, it might seem like the "wrong time", you might not have all your ducks in a row. You might not have enough money. But if you know what you REALLY, REALLY want, then just go get it. The rest will fall into place. I'm not saying it will be easy to do. But do it anyway. My experience is, that you'll start to find things just work out when you're headed in the right direction. Just don't lose the dream.

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Synchronicity is merely a sign that you are tuning to the right frequency.

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While I was writing this post, someone sent me a link to this song. Don't be put off by the fact that it's Miley Cyrus. (LOL!) I like it a lot. And it seemed so relevant to my musings, I got goosebumps.


Live your dream, my friends. Live your dream.

My Realization

I had a realization not long ago, and I am still turning it over in my mind. This realization came in stages, and the first goes thus: each of my children has their own particular technique for making me want to pull my hair out. They don't operate the same way, at least not when they're doing something that really threatens to send me over the edge. Their techniques were quite clear, when I thought about it. (Babyman is left out here, because he is still learning how best to make me pull my hair out.)

Mr. Sweetcheeks gets me by making messes. Not simple, toys-everywhere-food-on-the-floor-where-are-your-shoes?!!?? kind of messes. . . no, messes more like this:

From assorted

Like fingerpainting with toothpaste, drawing on the walls and furniture, grinding up the watercolor cakes from his paint tray, making a "lake" on the kitchen floor, drawing all over his body (or his brothers') with markers, mixing milk and juice together (and adding some cereal), pouring the entire bottle of shampoo into his bathwater, dumping out the baby powder. . .etc etc, and making this lovely mess with some of my lotion.

From assorted

Typing this now, it feels like I'm overreacting when these things make me crazy. But unfortunately, they do. I just haven't got time with everything else that's going on to stop and clean up disaster areas like these. I want to scream, "WHY???? WHAT were you THINKING???", though I don't. Scream it, I mean. And I try not to ask- after all, that's a ridiculous question to ask a 3-yr old.

When I walked in on this, he sadly told me, "But I didn't want you to come in here."

From assorted

(~snort~) Yeah, I bet you didn't, Sweetcheeks.

But, here comes the next stage of my realization: I need to see all this in a different light. These unending activities are not malicious (I knew that), nor even thoughtless exactly- they are pure, genuine scientific exploration. Mr. Sweetcheeks is my budding scientist, performing ongoing experiments with cause-and-effect and with the nature of matter. He is getting down and dirty to learn how the world works. He doesn't just want to hear about stuff, he wants to feel it. To try it out. "What happens if I. . ." He wants to combine stuff, make new things, try something different. He is learning how to conduct experiments, how to think outside the box, how to explore the world with all his senses. These are actually skills and traits that I hope to instill in my children, so hey! Every time this happens I can recognize his brilliant scientific curiosity, and be proud.

Littleman however drives me batty with a never-ending supply of backtalk, questioning, bargaining and debate. Nothing leaves my mouth unchallenged. He is often a smug, argumentative brat with me, and dammit, he's good at it too!

From assorted

I believe in limiting my use of the words, "Because I SAID SO, that's WHY!!", but it sure taxes my poor fried brain cells to have to explain, debate and even defend my every instruction. Especially since he comes up with pretty intelligent arguments!

From assorted

So in the same vein, I decided to think of Littleman as a budding lawyer, and to view this behavior as excellent practice with skills that will indeed be very useful when he is an adult. He is learning critical thinking skills, persuasive debate, and use of logic. Again, all skills that I would most fervently wish for my children.

Then again, he also drives me crazy by pulling something like this whenever I point a camera in his direction:

From Edisto Island Campout 2009

But, perhaps that's another blog post.

My final stage of this realization is that I should be trying this with many, many more things besides just these habits of my boys. Babyman's being clingy, and I can't get a thing done? More baby hugs for me! Sweet! There's a sinkful of dirty dishes? Great, that's something I can finish pretty quickly and feel like I've really accomplished something! My knee is in pain where I fell on it the other day? Excellent, an excuse to go rest with my feet up for a minute! You get the idea.

So now whenever I feel a bad attitude coming on, I look at the offending situation and try to genuinely view it in a new light. Sometimes it works! Try it for yourself!

quote: the last word

Today, I offer a quote:

"Your last recourse against randomness is how you act - if you can't control outcomes, you can control the elegance of your behaviour. You will always have the last word."

- Nassim Nicholas Taleb
From this article

Conversation: Diety at the Dinner Table

Littleman: "I'm glad I was born."

Me: "Me too, Littleman."

Littleman: "I'm glad you were born, Mommy."

Me: "So am I!"

Littleman: "And I'm glad Daddy was born, and Sweetcheeks, and Babyman, and. . ."
(he continues in this way with various family members and friends, while I agree, for awhile before settling back into contemplation)

Littleman: (after a pause) "This might sound silly, but I'm glad God was born!" (mischievous grin)

Me: "That's not silly." (pause) "But I'm not sure if God was born, exactly. . .

Littleman: (interrupting enthusiastically) "Maybe he just CAME, like magic!"

Me: "Well yes, that's possible. . ."

Littleman: "Oh, or MAYBE God's an ALIEN!"

Me: (slight chuckle) "That's possible. . ."

Littleman: "Or maybe he was MADE, by an alien!"

Me: "Could be, we just don't know."

Littleman: "Yeah. I think, if we asked God 'Where do you come from', I think God would say, 'You know.'"

Me: "We already know?"

Littleman: "Yeah. . ."

Me: (a little impressed) "You just might be right about that one."

Littleman: (turns to Mr. Sweetcheeks) "Sweetcheeks, what do you think God would say if you asked him?"

Sweetcheeks: "I think he would say, 'I was born in Rock City!'"



(image stolen from http://seerockcity.biz/ )

Littleman's Life Lesson

Whew. I've been busy.

There have been a number of things I could write about- both Littleman and Babyman have had birthday parties (today was Babyman's 1st!), we went on an epic day hike with the boys, I've been planning holiday gifts and foods, and I've sorted through and given away all the baby clothes (save a handful of things for their memory boxes), which has prompted some wistful reflections in me. I want to write.

But, I am TIRED.

So, they will have to wait. However I can't let my fingers clack at the keyboard without relating this recent little gem:

Billy: "So, Littleman. You're a big 5-year old, now. You've lived on this Earth 5 years- tell me, what life lesson have you learned in those 5 years?"

Littleman: . . .

Billy: "What's the most important thing you've learned about life?"

Littleman: (Thinks a minute.) "Don't get killed."

Creation Myths

Myself, Littleman and Electra (our cat) are having a snack in the kitchen.

Littleman: "Where did the first people come from?"

Me: "You mean the very first people anywhere?"

Littleman: "Yeah."

Me: "That's a good question." I'm impressed- I guess he's figured out that people come from people, so the first people present a bit of a puzzle. It's the old 'chicken and egg' conundrum. "No one knows for sure", I tell him, "but there are a lot of good ideas."

Littleman: "Like what?"

Me: "Well, there's evolution, for instance. One idea is that before people, there were other animals on Earth- like monkeys. Over time, the monkeys changed little bit by little bit, becoming more and more like people. Eventually, after a really long time, the monkeys were more like people than monkeys. Those were the first people."

Littleman: Thinks about this, then nods. "Cool."

Me: "There are other ways of looking at it, though. You see, people have been trying to answer that question for a really long time. So over the years, different stories have been made up to help explain where the first people came from. A story that explains where people came from, and how the Earth was made, is called a 'creation myth'. Just about every religion on Earth has it's own idea of where we came from- it's own creation myth. The Christian religion believes that God made the first people. He made a man and a woman, named Adam and Eve, and they were the first people."

Littleman: Thinks some more. Nods again. "Oh." He seems satisfied with my explanation. "Well", he decides, "I think the first people were made by a bear."

Me: (a little stunned, then a little impressed) "That's a good creation myth."

Littleman: "Yep. But Electra thinks the first people were made by a cat."

great restaurant, and expert musings

Thursday, January 03, 2008


great restaurant, and expert musings
Current mood: tired

I'm starting with today's thumbs-up: Taqueria Los Hermanos Mexican restaurant in Lilburn GA, at the intersection of Indian Trail Rd and Lawrenceville Hwy. Yum. Big YUM. There are very few restaurants that really impress me, (especially reasonably priced ones) but I love this place. It's not much to look at- just a joint in a run-down strip mall in suburbia- but the food is great and so are the people. If you're ever over that way, check it out! (note: looks like they have a Tucker location, too!)

We had dinner there tonight. YUM.

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Recently I had a fortune cookie tell me: "An expert is one who knows so much about so little". This is of course true, but phrased like that it's not terribly impressive, is it? Then again, one could be a "Jack of all trades, master of none". (Me all over). That's not terribly impressive, either. One minute I think the expert is in a better position, the next minute it seems the jack has the better idea. So, who is better equipped? Who will feel more rewarded? And why am I spending valuable brain power on silly questions like these??

Maybe because I am falling asleep at the keyboard, here. Time to get ready for bed.

Leadership

October 4, 2007 - Thursday

Leadership Current mood: blah An excerpt from the book I am (re)reading, by John Holt: (on leadership) "Leaders are not what many people think- people with huge crowds following them. Leaders are people who go their own way without caring, or even looking to see whether anyone is following them. 'Leadership qualities' are not the qualities that enable people to attract followers, but those that enable them to do without them. They include, at the very least, courage, endurance, patience, humor, flexibility, resourcefulness, determination, a keen sense of reality, and the ability to keep a cool and clear head even when things are going badly. This is the opposite of the 'charisma' that we hear so much about. Charismatic leaders make us think, 'Oh, if only I could do that, be like that.' True leaders make us think, 'If they can do that, then by golly I can too.' They do not make people into followers, but into new leaders." (from Teach Your Own by John Holt & Pat Farenga) Now, John Holt wrote these words in the context of a book on homeschooling, and indeed they are very relevant when applied to teachers of all kinds. However these words are profound to me in many other contexts: for parenting in general, for instance. Parents must be leaders for their children, and this is a very clear and concise definition of what that means. Understanding true leadership qualities can be instumental in moving ahead in life, whether that means doing the best possible job at work, understanding how to achieve your dreams, or simply making yourself a better person. Also however, it is very interesting to consider political figures under the light of what it means to be a true leader. How many political figures can you think of that "do not make people into followers, but into new leaders"? Are we looking for charisma in our elected officials, or for leadership?

Dust in a sunbeam

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Dust in a sunbeam Current mood: calm Today the house was quiet for a good couple of hours. It was wonderful. Billy took Littleman with him to a couple casual meetings, so when Sweetcheeks was napping I had the house all to myself. The radio was off, the dogs were outside and the most pressing chores were done. After tidying the kitchen a little I took a shower, read and cuddled under the blankets. For some reason I couldn't quite sleep, but just relaxing there and listening to the relative silence was very nice. It's only in these rare moments of quiet contemplation that the normally hidden sounds around me reenter my conciousness- birdsong outside, the creaking of the walls as the wind blows, some voices next door, the highway far off. Though the sun was pouring exuberantly through the bedroom windows, pooling and dripping light from every surface it touched, it's honey warmth was mere illusion- the air was crisp and quite cold, and I wrapped my blankets tighter around me. The birds made a riot of cheerful sound, and it made me happy to hear it because that means Spring is not really so far off now. Lying there, I was thinking about awareness- about really seeing, about being in a place. So much of the time I am consumed with concerns that are abstract, with realities in the future and with the mundane physical aspects of my environment. So much of my life is spent this way, trying to keep up with my responsibilities and conform to a schedule of sorts. So much needs to get done each day, that there is no time left to just be in the day. No time to recharge my soul in quietude. No time to while away with my boys, focusing on what they have to say to me or what little games they want to play. No time to watch the sunlight filter through the leaves, or quietly spend an hour watching the birds come and go at the feeder. No time to inspect acorns or make detailed analyses of dirt, no time to mentally catalogue the curve of Littleman's cheekbones or the shining curl of Sweetcheeks' hair. If it were not for photographs, I'd have no memory at all of huge chunks of the last few years. I feel like these things are slipping through my fingers, yet I am struggling to keep up with all the "real" things I must get done. I try to stop once in awhile to focus, to listen, but it is far, far from enough. I know things will improve as the boys continue to grow, as they get more self-sufficient. But until then, what? Am I losing precious treasure to the bank accounts, meal preparation, endless cleaning, dishes, laundry, running errands, damn tax preparation? To wiping dog feet, sweeping up cereal, folding diapers, brushing the teeth of a screaming struggling toddler? I don't know. I'm not sure it matters much, because this stuff has to be done. What am I to do? The enlightened thing, I suppose, would be to find transcendence in these mundane necessary tasks. Ideally I should find the zen in the everyday. But I'm sorry- it's just not there for me. If I try, I can find it in theory. I can understand the zen of picking up megablocks. But that's sort of an oxymoron isn't it? Transcendence is not about understanding. It is a state of being. Transcendence IS. Transcendence can be found in the dust motes dancing in a sunbeam, but only if you really see them. These days, I don't have time to see. My soul shrivels in blindness. OK, that sounds very bleak. It's not as bad as all that! Luckily, it doesn't take much for me to get a glimpse, if you will. After all, dust is pretty easy to come by in my house! And I seem to have a naturally cheerful disposition that resurfaces easily, like a cork. I have been feeling down for a few days, and I'm sure it's not totally over. But this afternoon, for a little while at least, I watched dust in a sunbeam, and I listened to the birds calling.

a quote to ponder

Monday, January 29, 2007

a quote to ponder Current mood: restless "The postmodern notion that reality is only a construct- that we are what we program- suggests limitless human possibilities; but as the young spend less and less of their lives in natural surroundings, their senses narrow, physiologically and psychologically, and this reduces the richness of human experience." - Richard Louv, in Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder

dinner tonight, and coping

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

dinner tonight, and coping Current mood: accomplished Mmmm. I cooked some roast lamb tonight, with sweet potatoes, carrots and peas. Delicious! I admit however, that I cheated- the lamb was pre-seasoned and ready to go, courtesy of Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is like a much smaller, more selective and somewhat cheaper Whole Foods. They are new to the Atlanta area, and I went for the first time yesterday. I'll definitely go back, though only for select things- most of my shopping list will still have to be found at Publix or Kroger. Anyhow tonight I have enjoyed a lovely meal and the boys at least ate a few bites. (They've been picky lately). Now I am peacefully typing, sipping an Old Rasputin stout and nibbling Drunken Goat cheese. (delicacies left from holiday entertaining). YUM! The boys are watching Shrek. Poor Mr Sweetcheeks has some sort of virus, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of us don't get it. In the meantime he is cranky and feverish, poor kiddo. Still, it's quiet and I am relishing what peace I can find. I need it, after yesterday and last (sleepless) night with Sweetcheeks. You know, I have really had to relearn my stress-reducing coping mechanisms lately. I remember when I was younger and dealing with children, I was always so patient- I even admired their boundless energy, enthusiasm, experimentation and endless inquiry. It was fun! My childrearing philosophy requires adults to be patient with these tendencies in children, and even to encourage them. (within reason). This is how children figure out the world, how they build brain cells and learn how to interact with other people. It is how they build themselves into well rounded, functioning human beings. However. The reality has often been that my stretched, frazzled nerves simply can't take one more mess, one more question, one more demand. They are only being children- reasonably good children at that- but sometimes, it's all I can do not to scream. I have had to conciously remind myself to tune them out for a few seconds, close my eyes and breathe deep. I have to feel my connection with the Earth, remove myself from the immediate situation and conciously relax my face, neck and shoulders. I have to visualize my miniscule spot in the universe (there is a bumper sticker I bring to mind at these moments, that pictures the whole galaxy with a tiny arrow pointing to one itty bitty spot- it says, "You are here"). I may be the center of my own universe, but in the greater scheme of things my daily struggles will ultimately mean little. I can accomplish more by remaining peaceful than I can in getting stressed out. It just takes specific, careful effort to enact that belief in my daily life. I have sometimes been accused of being cold, uncaring and unconcerned with key things in life. I do not worry about things I cannot change, therefore sometimes it seems I am far too laissez-faire about important matters. There may be truth to this, for sure. (It's not always clear what we have power to change, and what we don't). However. I find that when I try to take things more seriously, I get so scattered and stressed out that I have difficulty functioning. I try to strike the balance so that I remain calm and flexible, while still taking control of what I can and being proactive for positive change. It's not always clear how best to do that, but I do what I can.

On TV, happiness, good health and gratitude

On TV, happiness, good health and gratitude

Current mood: cheerful

Wow, so I was stuck at the studio for awhile last night (my car is in the shop for routine stuff) and to kill time I was watching TV. I don't ever watch TV (we do not get any channels at all at the house) and I am pretty amazed. What an incredible, colossal waste of time! It was mildly interesting at times, but that wasn't enough to make up for the bland worthlessness, the blatant manipulation and absolute banality of the programming. It was almost like I could feel my brain cells begin to liquefy. I swear I do not remember TV being this bad- either it is worse than it was when I was in high school, or else my absence from the medium has given me an objectivity that I lacked before. I seem to remember the "educational" channels having some good stuff to show. . . but anything that caught my fancy last night turned out to be stretched, edited and beaten into submission so much that it lost what value it's premise held. Man, do they ever know how to beat a dead horse. My resolve to never get TV here at the house has been reenergized.


OK- that said, I did actually come away with a couple thoughts and ideas to ponder. Mostly they are recipe ideas from the food network (mmm, a pinot noir reduction as a glaze for turkey. . .), but there was also one program that discussed "Happiness and Your Health". (The long program could have been condensed into 5 minutes and still easily made it's point, but I digress). It talked about various studies that show that laughing a lot, being upbeat and happy, loving people and having gratitude will all improve your health in concrete ways. Furthermore, if you do not naturally feel happy, you can fake it and still reap many of the health rewards.

There are clubs around the world called "laughter clubs", whose members aim to laugh every day, for many minutes a day. (I remember someone saying 30 minutes a day is a good goal). If they don't feel like laughing, they fake it and laugh anyway- and lo and behold, their mood improves. Over time laughter can improve your mood, lower blood pressure, reduce stress and impart an overall feeling of well-being. (So can meditation, even for beginners).

Caring deeply for others improves your health. Positive people enjoy better health than negative people do. An ability to communicate well with others leads to a better sense of well-being and a more positive outlook. And cultivating a sense of gratitude for the good things in your life can actually have many concrete health benefits.

Which brings us to Thanksgiving: silly perhaps to have a holiday to remind us to be grateful for our blessings, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded of something we need to be doing every day. I love Thanksgiving, not least because I enjoy the food preparation, traditions and the shared meal. But it is also a holiday that is not so commercialized; a holiday whose original meaning is not obfuscated by layers and layers of ancilliary trappings. (Which might only be because it is such a young holiday, but the why of this point isn't really my concern here). It is a great opportunity to practice concious gratitude, and hopefully it can be a jumping-off place for us to remember to practice gratitude on a daily basis.

Be thankful- it's good for you!

a carp encounter

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

a carp encounter Current mood: pleased The Carp as a spirit guide (gleaned from a google search, so take it for what it's worth): - Symbolizes courage, true love, foresight and the ability to attain high goals - Encourages overcoming life's obstacles leading to consequent success What an encouraging and aproppriate message for me, considering how overwhelmed I can get with all the things I hope to acheive. - Fish in general symbolize good luck and prosperity, so that's a nice reinforcement. Then I looked up Salmon, which I have a more in-depth reading of, and which is likely to carry similar symbology to Carp because they share some key characteristics, most importantly that they both swim far upstream to spawn. Salmon's tradition rounds out the reading nicely: - (from the Druid Animal Oracle) "Braden brings not only wisdom but youthfulness and inspiration, but remember that to find these things you must maintain an attitude of openness and innocence rather than strong-headed determination." So I have here reinforcement of my goals, encouragement to attain them and a suggestion on how to get there. Nice! * * * This all stems from my rather magical encounter with a monstrous carp last Sunday. I was relaxing all by myself (amazed? I was) in my kayak in the small lake at Billy's parents' place. It's a lovely spot anyway, but it's particularly special to me because Billy and I were married there, on a dock over that lake. Anyhow I'd paddled around for awhile, and was happily sitting back, just drifting aimlessly and daydreaming in the middle of the lake. A motion caught my eye, and I peered to see what it was- turtle? beaver? snake? fish? Interestingly enough, it was a dorsal fin- swimming lazily, poking out of the water shark-style. It wasn't huge of course, but I could tell it would have to be a pretty big fish. I decided to see if I could paddle for a closer look without scaring it away. One of the lovely things about a kayak is that you can get around very unobtrusively, so quiet that you can observe wildlife more easily. It took me a long time to get very close, since I was being so careful and the fish was swimming away from me. When I did finally get alongside though, I was amazed- nose to tail, the thing was probably almost as long as I am tall. It was a huge lake carp. I drifted next to it for a few minutes before it suddenly noticed me, and vanished. It was beautiful encounter.

Complicated?

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Complicated? Current mood: drained I was listening to The News From Lake Wobegone on the radio tonight, and it seemed to me that the story ended just a little too neatly. (I'm sure it was partly just my mood, as Garrison Keillor isn't exactly known for complicated plot lines). But it bugged me a little bit, and I thought, "Life is too complicated for that". I felt a bit cheated, like the real story would have been messier and more interesting. But then I wondered if that's true: is life complicated? It sure feels complicated a lot of the time. We can certainly make it complicated. Certainly my perception of life is often complicated. But these things aren't necessarily reality- just because life seems complicated doesn't mean it is. It is my opinion that life is actually very simple. I have to remind myself that the details are only that: details. This doesn't mean that they are not important; it only means they are just a small part of the big picture, and the big picture is gloriously uncomplicated. Life is not in the details. Life is the big picture. Am I happy? Are my loved ones happy? Am I walking towards something better than where I am? And, am I leaving things better than I found them? I think that might just cover it for me. At least, for right now. I am tired and I need to go to bed.

Lessons from the Cove

Monday, July 24, 2006

Lessons from the Cove Current mood: pleased It's not hard to imagine a life here. Without electricity, without running water. With few neighbors and little contact outside of the cove. I can imagine growing up here, free to roam the fields and forest as you please. Helping with chores and playing with siblings and cousins, making up things to do because there is no electric box around to entertain a passive mind. I'm sure it was a hard life, lonely and dangerous. But it was a life steeped in beauty, rooted to the Earth (gee that sounds so cliche but I mean it), and full of purpose. A life connected to the land around you and the people you depended on. I am sure my rose-tinted glasses make it all seem much more wonderful than it felt at the time (as I have mentioned before, I'm not sure I'd relish laundry without a washer and dryer, for instance), but I do think there is so much to be learned in that way of life that we are missing in today's world. It would be nice to have your cake and eat it too, to live those experiences without the danger, the loneliness, the gossip or the stifling feeling it can instill. But of course it is precisely some of these things that help build character and self-reliance, the creativity and a sense of belonging. Without the hardships, many of the rewards are lost. I guess the best thing to do is to try and recreate the best aspects of that life, discarding the isolation and some of the physical hardships. Become connected to the land. Wherever you are, it's possible, and in addition I think it's important to wander wilder landscapes as well. Teach yourself and our children about the Earth, about self-reliance (practical in any environment) and responsibility (to oneself and to the universe, in the sense that making your own small sphere of influence ring true will help sound echoes of harmony in the wider world). Stay connected, stay purposeful. Try to discard the distractions, if you dare (I'm not sure I do. . .) Let the children be bored sometimes. Force them to be creative. Little things regain their meaning. Let them contribute to their world; help them be useful and productive. Give them unstructured time and help them accomplish what they want to do with that time, if they need help. (Today we do not have the skills that used to be commonplace. Could you go make a working kite right now? Would you know how to fish? Do you remember jump rope games? Do you know how to build a raft? And the most important question for you today: Do you know how to learn?) I don't think these are just idyllic, outdated pasttimes. I think they hold real value, true lessons that can not be found at Toy R Us or even on the neighborhood block anymore. And I think adults today would benefit just as much (often more) from returning to these pursuits than our kids will. Try it. I hope I remember to.

the demons that drive

Monday, June 26, 2006

the demons that drive Current mood: frustrated The other evening we were talking about perpetual discontent. Discontent that, no matter how good things get for you, still lurks indestructibly beneath the joy and laughter. The nagging feeling that things still aren't right, no matter how good you know they are. And the realization that the discontent will never go away. It's sort of bitter to realize that things never really will be right. The trick however, is to learn that this discontent (though negative) is not bad. Without discontent of one kind or another, there would never be any progress. Those insatiable demons inside us are what drive innovation and forward movement in our lives. Without them we stagnate in comfort and stationary contentment. Face it- change is hard, no matter how desired or positive it may be. It's hard to leave your comfort zone. We need negative emotions to drive us forward, much as a coach driver cracks the whip to drive the horses on. Let your discontent drive you. (Just don't give it full reign in your life, or it is likely to drive you straight into a ditch.) Be sure you choose your direction. Think of it as just another example of yin and yang, that beautiful balance of positive/negative, white/black. We need the balance. It's unwise to try and eliminate the "darker", more negative impulses in our life. Acknowledge the demons, recognize that they are there to stay, and then use them to accomplish your positive goals. Take that fire and create, always striving to be better than you are now- but don't forget to always count your blessings as well. Balance in all things. Just a ramble that was rumbling 'round my head. And incidentally, today was one HELL of a day. Brings new meaning to the concept if being "star crossed". How damnably frustrating. Glad it's over.

a little mental chewing gum for you

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

a little mental chewing gum for you Current mood: sleepy A quote for you today: ". . . Meher Baba, Guru Majaj Ji, Jesus Christ and all the other holy men who amassed followers in recent times have had one gimmick in common. Each of them demanded unquestioning devotion. 'Love me with all your heart and soul and strength and do my bidding without fail.' That has been the common requirement. Well, great. If you can love someone with that completeness and that purity, if you can devote yourself totally and unselfishly to someone - and that someone is a benevolent someone - then your life cannot help being the better for it. Your very existence can be transformed by the power of it, and the peace of mind it engenders will persist as long as you persist. But it's therapy. Marvelous therapy, wonderful therapy, ingenious therapy, but only therapy. It relieves symptoms, ignores disease. It doesn't answer a single universal question or put a person one step closer to ultimate truth. Sure, it feels good and I'm for anything that feels good. I won't knock it. But let nobody kid himself: spiritual devotion to a popular teacher with an ambiguous dogma is merely a method of making experience more tolerable, not a method of understanding experience or even of accurately describing it. . ." - Tom Robbins, in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues