dinner tonight, and coping

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

dinner tonight, and coping Current mood: accomplished Mmmm. I cooked some roast lamb tonight, with sweet potatoes, carrots and peas. Delicious! I admit however, that I cheated- the lamb was pre-seasoned and ready to go, courtesy of Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is like a much smaller, more selective and somewhat cheaper Whole Foods. They are new to the Atlanta area, and I went for the first time yesterday. I'll definitely go back, though only for select things- most of my shopping list will still have to be found at Publix or Kroger. Anyhow tonight I have enjoyed a lovely meal and the boys at least ate a few bites. (They've been picky lately). Now I am peacefully typing, sipping an Old Rasputin stout and nibbling Drunken Goat cheese. (delicacies left from holiday entertaining). YUM! The boys are watching Shrek. Poor Mr Sweetcheeks has some sort of virus, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of us don't get it. In the meantime he is cranky and feverish, poor kiddo. Still, it's quiet and I am relishing what peace I can find. I need it, after yesterday and last (sleepless) night with Sweetcheeks. You know, I have really had to relearn my stress-reducing coping mechanisms lately. I remember when I was younger and dealing with children, I was always so patient- I even admired their boundless energy, enthusiasm, experimentation and endless inquiry. It was fun! My childrearing philosophy requires adults to be patient with these tendencies in children, and even to encourage them. (within reason). This is how children figure out the world, how they build brain cells and learn how to interact with other people. It is how they build themselves into well rounded, functioning human beings. However. The reality has often been that my stretched, frazzled nerves simply can't take one more mess, one more question, one more demand. They are only being children- reasonably good children at that- but sometimes, it's all I can do not to scream. I have had to conciously remind myself to tune them out for a few seconds, close my eyes and breathe deep. I have to feel my connection with the Earth, remove myself from the immediate situation and conciously relax my face, neck and shoulders. I have to visualize my miniscule spot in the universe (there is a bumper sticker I bring to mind at these moments, that pictures the whole galaxy with a tiny arrow pointing to one itty bitty spot- it says, "You are here"). I may be the center of my own universe, but in the greater scheme of things my daily struggles will ultimately mean little. I can accomplish more by remaining peaceful than I can in getting stressed out. It just takes specific, careful effort to enact that belief in my daily life. I have sometimes been accused of being cold, uncaring and unconcerned with key things in life. I do not worry about things I cannot change, therefore sometimes it seems I am far too laissez-faire about important matters. There may be truth to this, for sure. (It's not always clear what we have power to change, and what we don't). However. I find that when I try to take things more seriously, I get so scattered and stressed out that I have difficulty functioning. I try to strike the balance so that I remain calm and flexible, while still taking control of what I can and being proactive for positive change. It's not always clear how best to do that, but I do what I can.