Our Plan for Household Chores

Like lots of parents, I have struggled to find a good way to get my children to help out with household chores. Sometimes I felt like I was expecting too much, other times like I was being too lenient. Almost all the time there was resistance, arguing and resentment over doing chores. It gets very old very fast. (I hazard a guess here, that you know exactly what I mean.) I have been feeling my way along for some time now, looking for a system that will be effective: that will get my kids doing necessary chores with a minimum of fuss but without violating some of my parenting philosophy. I have recently implemented a plan I've been brewing for some time, and so far I am very pleased.

First of all, I wanted the boys to have some chores that they simply must do. There is no reward, it is simply their responsibility as members of this family. I wanted the chores to rotate, and to be spread out as fairly as possible. However I did not want to spend a lot of time each week writing out a chore schedule. At some point I stumbled upon Chore Buster, which I have been using ever since. It takes care of the "have to" chore charts automatically, and even allows me to key in all sorts of variables that refine its methods for our family. (For instance, I can mark chores as only for certain people, I can rate the relative difficulty of each chore, and note which family members should do more or fewer chores in general.) I tweak our system often so the computer generates just what we need.

So, each day at breakfast (except Tuesdays, their day off) I look online and see what the kids' chores are for the day. Generally it's just one or two things for each older boy, besides "brush your teeth". (Babyman doesn't really participate in chores yet.) As soon as breakfast is done the boys are supposed to complete the day's chore list. We've been doing this for some time, so by now the whining is minimized. We are still struggling with focusing on the job at hand, so it can be completed in less than oh, say, all day long. Two things have helped speed things up a bit: first, that there will be no computer time until chores are complete. Second, they cannot earn any points for extra chores unless their daily "have to" chores are completed first. These are the only two positive incentives I've found that actually have motivating power.

Now, on to those "extra" chores. I created a long list of chores that are within the abilities of the boys. Each chore earns a certain number of points. For instance, "Pick up and sweep the kitchen" is worth 12 points, and so is "Sweep the deck and porch". "Dust the bookshelves" is 10 points. "Brush the dogs" is worth 5 points, "Fold laundry and help put away" is worth 5 points per 1/2 load, and "Clean your bathroom sink, counter and mirror" is 10 points. "Comb your hair" is worth 3 points, and "Pick up and vacuum your room and the hallway" is 10.

I chose points based on how much the kids hate the chore (thus hated sweeping is worth a bit more than fun vacuuming), how difficult or time-consuming the chore is, and how much I will need to be involved- the more I have to be involved, the less the chore is worth. (Thus folding laundry isn't worth a lot because I have to "help" so much- but it's on the list because they need the practice.) I tried to keep each chore of a manageable size, breaking them up by room or task when necessary. Also, some tasks are worth less but can be repeated several times to earn more points- brushing the dogs and folding laundry, for instance, and also "Pick up toys".

Underneath each chore is an explanation of what needs to be done for it to be completed to my satisfaction. For instance, to earn 5 points for brushing the dogs, the kid has to fill the dog brush with hair. "Clean the bathroom floor" means pick everything off the floor and put it away, shake out bath mat, sweep well, put all dirt and hair in the trash and replace bath mat. (It's an easy job, worth 5 points per bathroom.)

I pretty much stuck with just household chores. "Comb your hair" and "Read a book to Mommy or Daddy" (5 points for Littleman, 10 for the Pirate) are the only exceptions. This is because personal hygiene is not optional, and I don't want to tie our "school" tasks to a rewards system.

Finally, I made a list of rewards that the boys may redeem their points for. Here it is (subject to plenty of future revisions, I'm sure):

* Play with Play-doh - - - - - - - 15 points
* Get one fruit roll-up - - - - - - 20 points
* Make popcorn - - - - - - - - 20 points
* Earn $1.00 - - - - - - - - - 25 points
* Go to Sonic for a slush - - - - - - 30 points
* Go to the library an extra visit - - - - 35 points
* Get 30 minutes of computer time - - - - 40 points
* Watch a movie of your choice - - - - - 50 points
* Make cookies with Mommy - - - - - - 60 points
* Go to our favorite playground - - - - 70 points
* Buy a book at the bookstore - - - - - 80 points
* Go out for ice cream - - - - - - - 85 points
* Visit a new park with [their Grandmothers] - 90 points
* Have a friend spend the night - - - - 100 points
* Go play mini-golf with Daddy - - - - - 165 points
* Get a family field trip to the aquarium! - - 200 points

So far this seems about right- some things may be more or less "expensive" than they ought to be, but we will see. I tried to keep the list heavy on the "activity" rewards as opposed to "give me" rewards. This puts a greater burden on me, but I feel better about it. As you can see, earning money is still an option. If one of the boys wants to save money to buy a toy (or whatever), they may do so by earning dollars. However if they want to buy a book, they only need to earn 80 points and I will purchase a book for them. I wanted books to have a distinct advantage, here. :) Each boy has a chart with days of the week, in which I use tally marks to record how many points they earn each day. They've been using a lot of math skills keeping track of their points, and figuring how many points they still need for various goals.

Obviously if you choose to try something like this in your home, the lists can be customized every which way to fit your family.

I realize this is a bit complicated, but it combines a lot of elements that I really like:
- there are daily chores that are not optional, but the list is short
- there is an incentive to complete non-optional chores quickly (so they can have time to earn points afterwards)
- if they choose not to do any chores beyond the daily list, it's OK. The burden does not fall on me to force the issue
- if they choose to do extra chores they are rewarded
- the more they do, the more they are rewarded
- they can earn money, but the focus is not on money in particular
- saving points and patiently working toward goals is encouraged (a good habit), but there are faster rewards if needed
- they practice their reading and math skills (and more!) while interpreting the charts
- the system is very flexible for our busy schedule
- it is also easily edited as our needs change or problems arise
- I now have the ability to occasionally reward points for unrelated things, at my discretion
- other family members can get involved by offering prizes or outings the kids may choose to earn
- and probably more benefits I'm not thinking of right now :)

The boys are actually enjoying it thus far (though we've only been doing the "extra" chores and points system for a few days, so we'll see how things progress in the future.) The Pirate has only earned a few points, but Littleman has enthusiastically racked up 31 points in a couple days. His goal is a trip to the bookstore to buy a book about Legos.

Sorry for the long explanation- I know several of you were interested in finding out more, so I hope this helps! :)

Negative Consequences, part 2

I am still having trouble with the boys and cleaning up around the house. I still feel as if I have no currency whatsoever, negative or positive, to get my kids to help. My voice is still apparently a different frequency than what my boys can actually hear. But, we're working on it.

One thing I decided to try was to ask more often for help with smaller tasks. Instead of waiting until the end of the day (when we're feeling grumpy) to clean their mess from all day, I choose one small part of the mess and ask them to clean just that. Then they may continue playing. Sometimes this helps, sometimes not at all. Yesterday morning I handed them a box and told them to fill it up with every book, magazine, card and piece of paper that littered the floor in their room, the hall and the nursery. Not such a big deal, right? I went downstairs and cleaned part of the kitchen.

I came back upstairs to this:


Which was way worse than it had been to begin with. And there'd been no effort to pick up the papers or books. So then the kids needed to tidy up the mess they'd just made, and still collect all the papers, magazines and books. We did finally get it all done, but believe it or not the mess got worse before it got better. (Littleman decided to rearrange the furniture, too.) It literally took all day.

From yesterday's experience and the suggestions I've seen, I think my main problem is that I am expecting the kids to follow through on a cleaning activity when I am not directly supervising. I have this ridiculous idea in my head that I might actually be able to clean other areas of the house, or take care of Babyman, while the kids complete an assigned task. Apparently this is where I am expecting too much.

For some of the excellent tips I've received, check out the comments to my earlier post Negative Consequences. Also, I saw a wonderful list of 20 Alternatives to Punishment on Alicia's blog, A Magical Childhood. I will continue experimenting to see what finally works for us- I'm figuring out that while none of these great tips works for us on its own, I might be able to find a magic combination of them (along with an adjustment of my expectations) that will help us work together to keep the house cleaner!

Negative Consequences

Lately, I have felt a little bit invisible.

OK, VERY invisible.

See, my children seem to no longer acknowledge my existence, unless they are asking for something. Often this is a good thing, because it means they are entertaining themselves and I am free to do laundry, cook dinner, pay bills, blog or even (*gasp*) go to the bathroom all by myself. It's definitely NOT a good thing however, if I am speaking directly to them or telling them to do something. In fact, being ignored in this way absolutely drives me crazy.

I have been making a concerted effort to organize a little bit, and then to tidy up on a regular basis so that, at any given moment, only some rooms will look like they've been bombed. In theory, the organizing part will make it easier for the kids to help put stuff away. Also in theory, making them responsible for some of the tidying will instill good cleaning/helping habits in them, so that this whole endeavor will become easier as time goes on.

I run into a problem when any instruction to my children goes utterly unacknowledged, and forcing acknowledgment from them has no affect on whether they actually do what I have told or asked them to do.

I can think of five ways to handle this:
1) Enforce some sort of negative consequence for willful non-compliance. In other words, I explain what the negative consequence will be if they don't do what I have told them to do, and then follow through with the "punishment" if they still don't comply.
2) I could bribe them to do what I tell them to do.
3) I could let it slide, and let them see the natural consequences of not cleaning up. Let them experience firsthand that a messy environment means they cannot find what they want, that they don't have room to play active games or set up elaborate constructions, and. . . well I'm sure there's other consequences that they might care about. Then they would see the benefits of keeping tidy, and this lesson would be understood much more clearly than in the first way of handling things.
4) I could lock them in their room, slip meals under the door and live in a clean house while they have their very own pigsty to enjoy.
5) Throw my hands in the air, clean it myself when I find time, and live in a disaster area the rest of the time.

So far, it's mostly been option 5. I'd really like to get a little more teamwork going in this equation, though.

I don't like option 2. I don't want my children to expect a reward every time they do something right- that's not the way life works. Despite that, Billy and I have been known to use this method on occasion. It is pretty effective. (Dammit.) Option 3 happens whether I plan for it or not, and I can tell you firsthand that the premise is laughable. Honorable maybe, logical perhaps, but utterly laughable. It doesn't work. And while option 4 might be very attractive sometimes, I don't think it's terribly practical in the long run. ;)

Therefore, I have been struggling with option 1: Negative Consequences.

Time outs are not effective in this scenario. They work in some situations with my boys, but not during a run-of-the-mill day at home. I've tried spankings, but the boys don't care about them enough to really change their behavior if a spanking is threatened. I will follow through, but if it's such a diluted concern that I end up having to spank often, then I want something more effective. I don't like giving spankings. I tried a "ticket" system wherein they could lose tickets for bad behavior, and if all tickets were lost they had to stay in their room the rest of the day. That's very difficult for me to enforce- we're always going someplace, and even after enforcing it a couple times it still wasn't "bad" enough to be effective. So, I've scrapped that one, too.

I'm feeling totally ineffective.

I need a better plan.

I'm writing about this here for a couple reasons: I know my experience is to some degree universal among parents, and I am looking for suggestions. Any ideas?

The Din in the Bathroom, Snow Trip and LAUNDRY

I am sitting on my bed, working on blog stuff. Electra Luna (crazy cat) is snoozing beside me. Theme music from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (the only music Littleman wants to listen to, lately) is wafting up from downstairs. I am listening to Littleman and Sweetcheeks banter, giggle and snort with laughter behind the closed bathroom door. What are they DOING in there? Whatever it is, it involves fart sounds, thumps, laughter, incomprehensible jokes, other random sound effects, more laughter, animal impersonations and I don't know what else. Babyman is in the hallway by the closed bathroom door- by the sound of it, he's sliding toys or books under the door for his brothers to slide back out. (That amuses him to no end.) Hmm. I hear water running. They are supposed to be brushing their teeth and washing their hands. I'd like them to hurry up and finish, and not make a mess. However, it's nice to hear them having such a good time together. I just hope there's not a lake in there to mop up, or toothpaste fingerpaintings on the mirror. Or worse.

* * *

You probably spotted my recent snow photo blog. (And I will be posting the second series soon.) No, it didn't snow here at home (except maybe a few flurries). However we knew Highlands, NC had a couple inches, and cold weather long enough to keep the snow on the ground a couple days. So we dropped everything to take the kids to the mountains. It worked out perfectly- Mitchell's Lodge and Cottages (our favorite place to stay in Highlands, especially with the kids) was running a special rate, and we were able to combine our snow play with a break to watch the inauguration by the fireside. (We couldn't have watched at home, since we have no TV channels here.) The kids had a blast- though the snow was too powdery for snowballs or snowmen, it was just fine for sledding. I was glad we went- it was a much-needed break for all of us.

* * *

Side note: there was no lake to mop up, but there was toothpaste fingerpainting. Sigh. After probably 40 minutes in there at least, neither boy had brushed his teeth or washed his hands. I had to send them back to accomplish the original objective. They had fun, though.

* * *

In honor of the laundry I am doing today, and was doing yesterday, and will be doing tomorrow. . . today's thumbs-up goes to this very useful page: a Guide to Home Laundering Symbols. Print that sucker out and post it in the laundry room- finally, a translation of laundry hieroglyphics!

productive day

Well, I don't have much in mind for a blog post, but at least I am feeling somewhat accomplished. Today Billy had the two older boys for the day, and Babyman and I stayed home. I was able to do dishes, clean out the fridge, take out the trash, go grocery shopping, put groceries away, do a load of laundry AND take care of Babyman.

Who is crying. Impeccable timing, he has. 'Scuse me.



OK, I'm back. Anyway, there was still a lot more that needed doing, but at least I got a lot done. So, I'm feeling pleasantly accomplished. Billy had a fun day with the boys. We all went out for breakfast together, then he, Littleman and Sweetcheeks went to the studio for a recording session! What fun! I can't wait to listen to their CD. After that they went bike riding together, and had a blast. They alternated between zipping along at a good pace (Sweetcheeks was in the bike seat on Billy's bike) and getting gloriously muddy. Those thunderstorms that didn't blow us away did drop over an inch of rain here, and the greenway was a mess. The boys loved it.

I fixed dinner, and everyone cuddled and watched some of Two Towers. Which isn't exactly preschool fare- even as much as I love the Lord of the Rings films I wouldn't have chosen it for the boys- but Billy loves to share his favorite films with them, and he narrates and explains when helpful. His involvement and explanations seem to help the boys a lot, and they do seem to appreciate good movies. And, I figure the Daddy-bonding is more important than my arbitrary notions of "suitable" movies for the boys. (Sorry, I think my grammar is poor here, but I am tired and don't feel like making my point more clearly. So you will just have to follow me). ANYHOW, it was family dinner-and-a-movie night here, which was nice.

* * *

Everyone stayed up too late, and right now Billy is helping them brush their teeth and go to bed. I can hear them through the baby monitor. Whenever Littleman is feeling uncooperative about brushing his teeth, he pulls out a maddeningly long list of excuses- "But I have to yawn", "My eye hurts!", "Noooooo", "Wait, I have to go pee pee!" and my personal favorite, "My legs hurt!". Why he thinks that has anything at all to do with brushing his teeth, I am not sure. Anyway, he was just whining to Billy that his legs hurt. I'm rolling my eyes.

* * *

Well, Billy wishes to use my 'puter and I really need to fold all the clean laundry that's strewn all over our bed. So, I'm off. After I eat just one more lemon cream girl scout cookie. Really. Just one.
Thumbs up, lemon creams. Mmmmm.

Just a quick hello

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Just a quick hello
Current mood: drunk

OK, so I still stayed up too late and am trying to blog when my brain is mush. :) Pleasantly though, I spent my evening with Babyman and my wonderful husband. (Amazing!) We traded the baby off while (finally) dismantling the Christmas tree, watching The Lord of the Rings and drinking a very nice red wine which we'd received as a gift. (The wine has more than a little to do with why my brain is mush). It was an excellent evening. Tonight's thumbs-up will be for that wine- but the bottle's downstairs and I'm upstairs, and I'll just be lazy and tell you what wine it is in a later post. So, check back for that- I highly recommend it.

Today I managed to collect a variety of things to get rid of, probably via a donation to Goodwill. I want to find a lot more stuff (including clothes, for sure) to purge. I'm also trying to "disappear" several toys. (Including those ridiculous, loud, annoying dancing bears which the boys got from a relative for Christmas. I can't begin to explain how very irritating this thing is. It literally makes me cringe every time they hit the button. Luckily, the batteries are failing so they are losing interest in it. (There's not much there to hold their interest, anyway). It is SO outta here.

It would be nice to get some more things organized around here. Baby steps, I guess. Little bit by little bit. (And try not to add to the chaos too much, in the meantime).

I am muddled in my thinking right now. Pleasantly so, but it does make it difficult to write intelligently. I think I will spare you further rambling tonight. :) I wish you a lovely evening.

PS- there is no "tipsy" smiley in the myspace list, so "drunk" will have to do. Isn't it cute?

just a note

Thursday, January 17, 2008


just a note
Current mood: blah

The snow and ice did not stick around. But I slept in, anyway. I feel guilty, but I just wasn't up for it this morning.

I did get a shower though! Yea! It felt good.

Also, this afternoon there was actually a long period of time when all 3 boys were napping. It was divine. I didn't sleep- too much else that needs doing- but I did get to do a variety of little things that I've been needing to do. For instance, I finally finished unloading the dishwasher. I've been working on that for 3 days, now. Seriously. I'd unload a few dishes, and have to go see to one of the boys. When I could get back to it I'd unload a few more, and the microwave would ding. Next opportunity, a few more. . . you get the idea. Now there is a sink full of three days worth of dirty dishes. . . I didn't actually manage to load the dishwasher today, just finish unloading. But it's a start.

I was going to mention in a blog post that my sweater I am knitting is going great- much faster than I'd anticipated. Just a couple more rows or so, and I will shape the armholes and be done with the back! (Then I'd start the front, then each of the two sleeves). However I've been stuck there for a week now, unable to pick it up and get any knitting done. So perhaps it will take a year to complete, after all. We will see. But anyhow, when I do get to work on it it's going great! So that's good. :)

I'm nodding off at the computer again. Maybe I can blog tomorrow during the day, so that my brain's not mush.

grown ups, pregnancy (still), veterans and toy shopping

Sunday, November 11, 2007

grown ups, pregnancy (still), veterans and toy shopping Current mood: accomplished Well, the boys are still hanging out at Grandma and Grandpa's with their Auntie, and still having a blast. Billy and I slept SOO late this morning (for us, anyway) and that was amazing! We've been out to eat a couple times, and were actually able to eat our food uninterrupted, while it was still hot. We have been able to converse with each other freely, like adults, without interruption. We got a little shopping done that was easier without the kids, and were able to leisurely browse in a bookstore. (WOW). It's been nice just spending time with each other. I'm still hoping to meet babyman soon. :) These "fake" contractions are a nuisance- they can be so strong and frequent, but I'm not yet in labor. Signs do continue to improve, though- and I actally had a cleaning bug tonight- could it be the "nesting instinct" kicking in?? I did a bunch of dishes, threw out old food in the fridge, took out a bunch of trash and did a lot of tidying/organizing. I'm about to throw a load of laundry in, too. It's been awhile since I had the energy for a cleaning run like this one, so I hope it is a good sign. :) If these contractions don't peter out in awhile, I'll take a nice bath and try timing them. I just hope I can tell when I should go in- on the one hand I definitely don't want a repeat performance of last time, but on the other hand I don't want to cut it too close! So, we'll see. One thing I have been doing is to try and find toys on the boys' Christmas gift lists that were NOT made in China. With all these recalls continuing (did you hear about Aquadots?? SCARY!) Billy and I are loathe to take chances. Besides, as we have realized how difficult it is to find stuff made anywhere other than China, we are beginning to understand that the issue goes beyond safety. It simply cannot be good for our country to be manufacturing SO MUCH of the stuff we buy overseas. I will be paying much more attention to the things I buy, and looking for stuff made in America when I can find it. Happy Veteran's Day, by the way. If you know a veteran, be sure to thank them for their service. It means so much, and yet how often do we remember to recognize that? I guess I will sign off for now. I do want to get a bit more cleaning done, and have a nice bath. (are these contractions 5 minnutes apart again?? sheesh. . .)

The quest for all-natural products that work. . .

September 6, 2007 - Thursday

The quest for all-natural products that work. . . Current mood: annoyed I wish I could find an all-natural (phosphate-free) detergent for my diapers that works right. I also can't seem to find a natural (paraben-free) deoderant that really works. I have tried a variety of all-natural detergents, and for some reason they have all caused build up in the diapers- that is, over the course of a few washings the detergent is leaving residue in the fabric, causing the diapers to REEK once peed in. The stink of the diaper pail will make your eyes water. This isn't normal for the cloth diapers- normally the diaper pail hardly smells at all. I have tried Bi-O-Kleen, Charlie's Soap and even plain washing soda with a little Simple Green. My favorite so far was the Charlie's Soap- the diapers smelled SO fresh and clean coming out of the dryer! But unfortunately now the build up has become obvious, and I know the Charlie's Soap doesn't work well with our water for diapers. Sigh. At least I can use it up on other laundry! I'll keep looking. Part of the reason we use cloth diapers is because they have a lesser impact on the environment than disposables do, and I'd like to carry that awareness further by using a detergent that's better for the environment as well. Similarly, I'd prefer to use a natural, paraben-free deoderant. I have read several articles that detail potential health hazards from regularly using deoderants that contain parabens. Again, I've so far tried several types with little success. The Tom's of Maine deoderant didn't work at all (too bad- it's a great company), and neither did a tea tree oil formulation that I tried (I forget the brand). Years ago I gave the salt crystal thing a try- it works remarkably well for several people I know. Unfortunately my body chemistry didn't jive with it. So far the best one has been an apricot deoderant by JASON. It might do the trick in cooler weather- it made a valiant effort even during our recent heat wave when I tried it out. For now however, I'm back to 'bad old' Secret or whatever it is I last bought. At least it's cheaper and it works. I have had a lot more success with other natural products- the Trader Joe's and Seventh Generation dishwasher detergents work great. Burt's Bees has lots of really wonderful baby care products, lotions, lip balms and other cosmetics that I recommend. (What I've tried has been great, anyway). Tom's of Maine makes good toothpaste and mouthwash. We use castille soap often. Trader Joe's has a great citrus shampoo- works nicely, cheap and smells divine! Vinegar-water is an excellent all-purpose cleaner. (A little vinegar is also good in lieu of fabric softener for the laundry). Baking soda and lemon together can scour pans and clean the sink. I moisten cloth baby wipes with a solution of water, castille soap, almond oil (olive oil is good too) and lavender essential oil. I'm probably forgetting other successful all-natural products we use. OK, Sweetcheeks is really making a mess of what remains of his dinner. I think he's done.

a few random notes

August 27, 2007 - Monday

a few random notes Current mood: groggy Yay for some rain! Boo to power outages that screw up my clock and make me late. Yay for a healthy pregnancy so far! Boo to heartburn. Yay for my first nap in weeks! Boo to dirty dishes and laundry that therefore didn't get done. Yay for a nice meal out with Billy's family! Boo to me forgetting to stop by the grocery store on the way home. I will have to get creative for breakfast again tomorrow, since we are still out of milk and are getting low on eggs. No fresh fruit left, either. Muffins or biscuits? Oatmeal? There might be enough eggs to make breakfast sandwitches again. . . We are normally a cold cereal or bagels kind of a group in the mornings. The animated ad at the top of this page right now is hypnotizing me. I had other things to say, but I really am drawing a total blank right now. I apologize. Maybe tomorrow I can blog during the day when I am more awake. . .? Perhaps? In the meantime, please excuse this loopy, tedious exercise in futility. :P OK. Off to bed.

Littleman's good morning, an idea, and ramblings

Friday, June 15, 2007

Littleman's good morning, an idea, and ramblings Current mood: pleased Mmmmm. Fresh peach. Juicy. Littleman had one of his vomiting episodes yesterday. Odd. We have quite the system down pat by now, and the poor kid has really learned the drill. The good news is that by dinnertime, he was just about back to normal- and this morning, he was feeling great. So great, as a matter of fact, that he woke up before anyone else, took off his diaper and put it away, and commenced to cleaning his room. (!) He tidied it all up, and then started on the nursery (Sweetcheeks' room). He talked to Sweetcheeks and they stayed in there quite happily for a good while before Billy and I had to get up. THEN, while Billy was getting ready Littleman looked around our room and stated, "This is a mess in here!" (He's quite right). So he picked up some clothes and reorganized my shoes. So what if his "cleaning" in my room probably just made it a bit less organized than it had been? He was genuinely trying. Of course, we thanked him and made sure to let him know what a good help he was this morning. I mean, WOW. I wasn't sure what to think. He completed his "wow" morning by choosing to practice handwriting (on a tablet for such purpose, that he can trace the letters and numbers) and by cleaning the glass of the storm door. (what he could reach, anyway). I am sorry to say, the day went downhill from there- but with such an unusually great start, over all we had a very good day indeed. Both boys were good while we ran errands and they did a beautiful job making Father's Day cards. I think I am going to make an illustrated poster that shows jobs Littleman can do around the house. Things like feeding the dogs, cleaning the glass doors, watering his plant, dusting and sweeping the downstairs (he has his own small broom), and putting away toys and books. If I remember to get our camera fixed soon (oh yeah, need to do that) I can take digital pics of Simon doing each job, then print the pics from my computer to attach to the poster. I'll write each job by it's picture, and put the poster where Littleman can see it each morning at breakfast. Perhaps it will remind him of constructive things he can do to be a helpful part of the family. I don't think I'll do the traditional thing of awarding stickers when he does a job- I'll see if he's interested in doing them just to be helpful. At this age, I think he really might. I'd prefer him being self-motivated in that way, rather than have him working for external "rewards". We'll see how that flies. Hmm, come to think of it I might make a smaller poster that shows Sweetcheeks picking up toys, and dusting or some such. Nothing like copycat activity and a little sibling rivalry to make something look even more fun. ;) Plus, there's no harm in starting good habits early, right? Good grief. 45 views of my blog in the past week, with only one new post from me? Y'all make me feel so loved!! :) Went to the kids consignment store today. Struck out on good-fitting shoes (as always) but scored two pairs of shorts and several darling shirts for the boys, all in perfect condition, most of it name brand. Grand total? Less than $25! I love consignment shops. The pregnancy is progressing nicely so far. I have had at least one contraction already, but it was isolated. I think that's within the realm of normal, though for me it's bad news. Luckily I haven't felt any further activity. I HAVE felt baby moving, though. Too cool. I am trying very hard to stay well-hydrated, and have done pretty well with that so far. (It helps prevent contractions and is all-around good for Mom and baby). I am feeling pretty good actually, though my hips and legs are already aching (especially first thing in the morning). I am really looking forward to July 3rd, when we have the ultrasound appointment and hope to learn the baby's sex. Think pink for us! (LOL). Anyhow that's all going well. Well I think I have rambled enough. . . I need to go to bed! 'Night!

Thoughts on clean-up and good parenting

Monday, May 14, 2007

Thoughts on clean-up and good parenting Current mood: depressed You know, parenting books and common sense tell us that we need to teach our children from an early age that they must pick up after themselves. It's a vital skill for them to learn, and one that will (in theory) go great lengths to salvage Mom and Dad's sanity. Teaching our children how to tidy up their own messes promotes responsibility and independence, builds a sense of self worth and gives children a way to contribute in a positive way. On top of all that, it helps keep the house tidy and leaves less work for Mom and Dad! What's not to like?? So far this morning: - It took a concerted effort from Billy to get Littleman to put his wet diaper and dirty clothes in the proper receptacles, and to get dressed without leaving clothes strewn all over his room. Never mind getting both boys to put away all the assorted toys and magazines they pulled out while Billy and I were still hiding in bed- there's barely time to get the boys pottied or diapered, and dressed at the rate they move. Chalk one big mess up to the toddlers. - The boys made their usual disaster at the breakfast table. They sort of assist in putting away cereal boxes and sometimes dirty dishes to the sink. . . but that alone takes so much instruction and repetition that often we just go ahead and do it ourselves. Never mind getting them to sweep or clean off the table!! Chalk another big mess up to the toddlers. - The boys dumped a ton of matchbox/hotwheels cars everywhere. Billy persevered and helped them put those back in their box. Chalk one up to responsibility and cleanliness. - Littleman dumped out the megablocks and enjoyed playing with those for awhile. Afterwards he went upstairs, but I warned him that he'd have to clean them up when he came back down. It ended up taking about 2 hours to get those picked up- it finally came down to me giving him 5 minutes to finish picking the blocks up, and letting him know that when time was up he'd have a spanking if there were still blocks out. We went through 2 spankings and nearly 15 minutes but that worked finally. Chalk one up to responsibility? Or just intimidation? - After that debacle Littleman entertained himself pulling books off the shelf and looking through them. I showed him a few things of interest in passing. That was nice. When he seemed to lose interest, I told him to put them away. That turned into a 30 minute ordeal, (same drill as the blocks) and involved one spanking. Chalk another up to responsibility (or just intimidation). - I'm not mentioning minor messes that I just repaired myself as I've gone along today, nor the messes that have appeared without my noticing who generated them. Right now Candyland is scattered all over the living room floor, along with assorted play kitchen accessories, a few alphabet magnets, shoes, socks, a paper bag and some cars that have strayed back onto the floor again. Chalk another up to the toddlers. (Never mind the dog hair). So, let's see- after nearly 5 hours, 3 spankings (which I'd prefer not to use), immeasurable frustration, time lost at my other tasks and (I'm sure) elevated blood pressure in Mommy, we're barely even. I have to ask: Is it really worth it to go to all this trouble? Am I actually teaching my children to be responsible for their own messes, or am I discouraging creative play and exploration? Am I helping things or harming them? I feel like the only time I get to pay attention to them, it's to enforce clean-up. (Or feed, diaper, bathe or groom them- though we do get to read books every night at least). And if I'm helping things, how long do I keep this up before they start to show a little initiative in cleaning up?? It's lunchtime. I'm tired. And Mr. Sweetcheeks just dumped out all the blocks.

Help and family, a wondrous bakery, ambient music and impatience

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Help and family, a wondrous bakery, ambient music and impatience Current mood: calm My sis came over yesterday to help me out, and hang out for my Dad's birthday dinner last night. Whew, what a relief! It was great- nice to be with her, and nice to get so much done around the house: she tackled dishes, tidying and vacuuming, while I worked on laundry, tidying and dusting. We both helped the kiddos and she sat in the car with the sleeping boys while I was able to grocery shop alone. Of course, we only scratched the surface of what needs doing here, but it was a very necessary and visible surface. :) Thanks again, G! The birthday dinner was fun- I like hanging out with my Dad and stepmom. Littleman was very excited to have everyone over! We grilled out, and the weather was gorgeous. Steaks, chicken, fresh asparagus (yum!) and skewers with shrimp, mushrooms, onions and bell peppers. Billy even made it home early to join us! The cake was particularly yummy I thought- I've never bought a cake at Whole Foods before, and though it was a bit pricey it was sooooo good. It was a "cookies and cream" cake, which was perfect for my Dad. The icing was just right- not too sweet at all. I always avoid the bakery area when I'm at Whole Foods (the Duluth store on State Bridge), because I have the boys with me. So when I wandered over there yesterday to get the cake, I was amazed to see not only the gorgeous selection of baked goods and other desserts, but a chocolate counter with truffles, and a gelato counter!! Oh, mmmmmm. . . I barely managed to get my pregnant self out of there in time. ;) (Though G and I did enjoy our little fruit tartlets and some fresh-squeezed tangerine juice). I am listening to the public radio show "Hearts of Space", which in Atlanta airs late Sunday nights. I like this show, and find it's a really nice way to end the weekend (or begin the new Monday, depending on how you look at it). Tonight is the 800th show! I had no idea it had been on the air that long. It's an hour or so of ambient music, and each show has a general theme. Tune in some week if you're interested. I've heard everything from spacy electronica, to Tibetan folk music, to ambient soundtracks, to (tonight) ambient rock tracks. Interesting and often nicely meditative. I'm already itching to know whether it's a boy or a girl I am carrying. I feel like it's a girl, but it's very possible that my own desire for a girl is clouding my intuition. I'll have to wait until sometime the first week of July before I'll get to find out! I think I need to check on the laundry again, and go to bed. I'm finding myself sitting here, just staring into space. Man, am I ever tired. . .

Spring Cleaning

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Spring Cleaning Current mood: cheerful Something about Spring tends to make me feel like organizing a bit. I must not be alone in this, considering the "spring cleaning" cliche. It seems a little odd to me that the urge seldom strikes in the Winter- wouldn't that be the best time, when you are holed up inside anyway? Wouldn't it make sense to concentrate on your interior spaces when you are staring at them all the time? But no. . . in the Winter, I feel like hibernating. I feel sluggish and unmotivated much of the time, and staring at the same clutter all the time can easily make one blind to it. No, it's the Spring that starts to awaken my senses- I throw open the windows and breathe fresh air, and suddenly see my rooms in a new light. I get the urge to finally finish storing and labeling the outgrown baby clothes and diapers. I want to overhaul my closet, and banish all that stuff that Billy and I will never wear. I want to turn out the kitchen pantry and cabinets, purge my shelves of ancient specimens and put everything back in some sort of logical order (unlike the current haphazard storage). I still want to finish storing and labeling my art supplies (a project long-since begun, and long-since suspended). I want to sort through the toys and banish some of the junk that's crept into the collection. And I want to scrub the inside of my fridge, wash all the windows, and really clean the floors. In the course of cleaning and organizing, I would like to set up some areas to be more condusive to the Montessori philosophy- so that the boys may have more freedom to do things independantly. I'd like to have an accessible cleaning station in the kitchen for them, with child-size tools (broom, mop, bucket, dustpan, rags, duster and a spray bottle of vinegar-water for cleaning with). I'd like to have the bottom shelf of the fridge organized to be accessible to them, so they may help themselves to healthy snacks when they want them. (Including a small pitcher of milk that they may pour from). I have other ideas in this vein, but you get the general idea. My tidying trend doesn't stop there- I want to trim shrubs outside, fill in the doggie excavations in the backyard, and dig out/level/mulch a path. And of course, I'm preparing the vegetable garden! I let it go sadly over the last couple years, but with a little TLC I think we can have a rockin' veggie garden again. It's a wonderful thing for Littleman to be a part of at this age- I have everything ready for us to start planting seeds tomorrow. Hopefully the garden will be ready to receive them by the time they sprout. Therin lies much of my motivation- any time I start to feel lazy or intimidated by all the work that needs doing, I remember that these things work right in to my preschool "curriculum"- my unwritten, loosely defined set of values and goals that I am using to guide us in our current homeschooling. Organization (to some extent) is important. Fostering independance and responsibility at home is important. A comfortable learning environment is important. Just being outside is important. And learning about plants and growing things is important. So, even in my extremely limited time, I am making time to do these things. (The organization has made minor progress so far, since being outside comes first. . . but there has been progress!) It feels good. I love Spring. P.S.- I know something you don't know. :)