"So, are you going to try for another one?"

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

"So, are you going to try for another one?"
Current mood: relaxed

Having three children now, of course people ask me if we will try for another or if we are done. Generally, I say that I think we're done. That's true. Most of the time if I think of it at all I think something along the lines of "hell, no". There are very good reasons for this.

But.
I must admit there are times that I am holding Babyman, and I mourn that this could be my last baby. I see Littleman and Mr. Sweetcheeks playing together, and I wish for a fourth to join in the fray. And even though my response to the question "Aren't you going to try for a girl?" is always "I DID!" (LOL) I have to admit the thought still lurks that maybe this time. . .

When I was younger, I always thought I'd want four kids. I don't know why. (Of course, I also imagined it would be two boys and two girls, but since when does the universe work that way?) There is something about the even number that seems right for siblings- every one can have a partner, and the middle children are not alone in their plight. Billy was one of four children close in age (two girls and two boys, can you believe it?) and it was an advantageous arrangement for them. Then again I was one of three children, and that's not bad either. :)

I have to remind myself of all the reasons why I've decided we're done- the expense of raising kids, for instance, and the more limited time I have available for each child as another child is added to the dynamic. There's the logisitical issues involved with a larger brood- everything from balancing everyone's schedules to not overwhelming potential babysitters to physically fitting all the carseats in a vehicle. Not to mention the fact that I just don't want to go through pregnancy again. I'm tired of doing that to my poor body. And finally, it really all comes down to our dreams- there are so many things we wish to do, and so many of them really need to wait until we are out of babyhood. As things stand now, in just a couple years I might consider a big trip or some other exciting or drastic adventure. But anything like that with a baby under two plus other young children. . . that's tough. I'm not saying it's impossible- I know we could do it. But it's a matter of cost vs. benefit. I just know I need the children to be a little bit older. Besides, I need to hold onto that part of myself that was around pre-babies, and the longer it takes me to nurture it the harder it is to find. I need to take back a little bit of my life, and I need my babies to grow a little before I am ready to do much of that.

See? Good reasons.

And they usually win out, hands-down. Despite the fact that Billy would LOVE another baby. But sometimes, sometimes I sort of think that maybe. . .
Nature is a powerful mistress.
And babies? Babies are wonderful.
But I do think we are done.

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An aside: I did inform Billy that IF (and it is a big IF), IF I were to change my mind, I will NOT be planning another hospital birth. Sorry, I am over it. I should have had homebirths all along, but was willing to assuage his concerns and compromise by choosing a hospital that was as close as possible to what I really wanted. But it's still a hospital, and no matter why you are there you are simply a number to crunch through the machine. No. Thank. You. I sincerely hope I do not ever need to check into a hospital ever again.

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Tonight's thumbs-up goes to One Sentence, a website dedicated to telling one's story in just one sentence. Some of these are really quite brilliant. Could you tell a story well in only one sentence?