My war wounds and honors

Sunday, April 30, 2006

My war wounds and honors Current mood: curious You know, I have to say I've been a little surprised at myself when it comes to body image these days. I have never in my life been terribly concerned with how I look, and though I try to eat well and keep active, my interest in being young and fit is pretty limited. I would certainly have never expected to waste much thought on the unfortunate physical side-effects of childbearing. Oddly enough however, I have found myself mourning a little over the fact that my body is completely different now than it was pre-children, and there are some aspects of that youthful figure which I can never regain. Not to get into nitty-gritty details, but for those of you in blissful ignorance, some forever-altered areas include hips (completely different shape), joints (noticeably more stiff), tummy (no amount of exercise will ever make that poor stretched skin flat and firm again), back (ow) and breasts (I'd rather not talk about it). There's oh so much more, but you get the idea. Now, don't get me wrong- I am not worried about where my body is at now, and in general I actually feel pretty comfortable with it. (When I bother to think about it at all!) I consider myself lucky that one positive side-effect of all the breastfeeding is that I have shed pregnancy pounds pretty steadily, and I do a pretty good job (most of the time) at eating well and keeping active (how could I NOT keep active? LOL). I feel pretty good, when I've slept and managed to shower. But it almost puzzles me that I mourn my youthful body at all- why, all of a sudden, do I care?? I guess perhaps I was more vain about some of these things than I realized- or perhaps, it's really something entirely different that I miss, and the body simply acts as a concrete representation of that part of my life. It could be that freedom of life before children, or the excitement and discovery of myself during those years. Or perhaps it is the recognition that I too, will look like my mother. (LOL! Not that that's so bad- she's doing alright for sure). I dunno- and it all comes back to the simple, "Oh Well!" I remind myself that it's a badge of honor, and it's a small price to pay for the experiences, joys and wisdom gained. Definitely good enough for me. :)