a quote to ponder

Monday, January 29, 2007

a quote to ponder Current mood: restless "The postmodern notion that reality is only a construct- that we are what we program- suggests limitless human possibilities; but as the young spend less and less of their lives in natural surroundings, their senses narrow, physiologically and psychologically, and this reduces the richness of human experience." - Richard Louv, in Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder

Post-novel funk

Monday, January 29, 2007

Post-novel funk Current mood: melancholy Brrr. I'm chilly. Whenever I finish a good book, particularly a long one, I am left with a disoriented, slightly depressed feeling. It doesn't matter if it's probably the fourth time I've read it (as is the case now, with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix), nor if there are more books in the series just waiting for me to read them (as soon as I get my copy of Half Bood Prince back from Aaron). The transition back to normal life never seems to come easily for me. Compounding the problem now is the weather- when it gets cold, all I want to do is snuggle under warm blankets and read all day anyway. I'm glad I did a fair amount of that back when I had the time, because I'm not sure when I'll get the chance again. I read fast, but with constant interruption and having to stop to do necessary things, the book took me a few days to get through. Consequently, I have a lot of minor disaster areas left over from two little boys engaged in unsupervised play. Luckily they avoided anything too disasterous. But I still have my work cut out for me! My return key sticks. I don't remember ever spilling anything on my keyboard. It's very irritating. Geez, I feel unmotivated. By the way, I don't usually like short story collections nearly as much as novels, but I just read a very cool book of short stories by Neil Gaiman. It's called Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders. Any of you that like dark fantasy or unusual, inventive twists will probably enjoy these stories. And I admit it was much easier to finish a book of short stories in my limited, broken time than it is to complete a novel. The stories didn't leave me in a funk, either. Maybe I'll look for more short stories to read. Any suggestions? Oh, PS- my back is better. It hurt for awhile, but I only needed the brace a few days really, and the pain is almost all gone. So I recommend a brace, Tiger Balm, gentle yoga and accepting pain for a little while.

dinner tonight, and coping

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

dinner tonight, and coping Current mood: accomplished Mmmm. I cooked some roast lamb tonight, with sweet potatoes, carrots and peas. Delicious! I admit however, that I cheated- the lamb was pre-seasoned and ready to go, courtesy of Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is like a much smaller, more selective and somewhat cheaper Whole Foods. They are new to the Atlanta area, and I went for the first time yesterday. I'll definitely go back, though only for select things- most of my shopping list will still have to be found at Publix or Kroger. Anyhow tonight I have enjoyed a lovely meal and the boys at least ate a few bites. (They've been picky lately). Now I am peacefully typing, sipping an Old Rasputin stout and nibbling Drunken Goat cheese. (delicacies left from holiday entertaining). YUM! The boys are watching Shrek. Poor Mr Sweetcheeks has some sort of virus, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of us don't get it. In the meantime he is cranky and feverish, poor kiddo. Still, it's quiet and I am relishing what peace I can find. I need it, after yesterday and last (sleepless) night with Sweetcheeks. You know, I have really had to relearn my stress-reducing coping mechanisms lately. I remember when I was younger and dealing with children, I was always so patient- I even admired their boundless energy, enthusiasm, experimentation and endless inquiry. It was fun! My childrearing philosophy requires adults to be patient with these tendencies in children, and even to encourage them. (within reason). This is how children figure out the world, how they build brain cells and learn how to interact with other people. It is how they build themselves into well rounded, functioning human beings. However. The reality has often been that my stretched, frazzled nerves simply can't take one more mess, one more question, one more demand. They are only being children- reasonably good children at that- but sometimes, it's all I can do not to scream. I have had to conciously remind myself to tune them out for a few seconds, close my eyes and breathe deep. I have to feel my connection with the Earth, remove myself from the immediate situation and conciously relax my face, neck and shoulders. I have to visualize my miniscule spot in the universe (there is a bumper sticker I bring to mind at these moments, that pictures the whole galaxy with a tiny arrow pointing to one itty bitty spot- it says, "You are here"). I may be the center of my own universe, but in the greater scheme of things my daily struggles will ultimately mean little. I can accomplish more by remaining peaceful than I can in getting stressed out. It just takes specific, careful effort to enact that belief in my daily life. I have sometimes been accused of being cold, uncaring and unconcerned with key things in life. I do not worry about things I cannot change, therefore sometimes it seems I am far too laissez-faire about important matters. There may be truth to this, for sure. (It's not always clear what we have power to change, and what we don't). However. I find that when I try to take things more seriously, I get so scattered and stressed out that I have difficulty functioning. I try to strike the balance so that I remain calm and flexible, while still taking control of what I can and being proactive for positive change. It's not always clear how best to do that, but I do what I can.

Welcome to my blog- first Blogspot post

Welcome to my blog! I have been keeping a blog over at my myspace page, and I am really enjoying it. Though it's not many for blog-world, I have been pleased and surprised to find I have more readers than I ever expected. This has encouraged me to keep writing, so it's a good thing. My husband recommended that I publish a copy of my blog here, since it has the potential to get more traffic. I like the idea because it's also a good way to back up my posts in case anything were to happen to the myspace blog. Ergo, I have copied my archive from myspace over to here, and I will now post entries to both sites.

Please enjoy any of my past posts that you care to read, and check back for future posts. I love feedback- let me know what you think, offer your perspective, or be inspired. I look forward to hearing from you!

A few ramblings, and thank you.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

A few ramblings, and thank you. Current mood: uncomfortable Ow. I did something to my back yesterday. Something unpleasant. And sadly, whatever I did was embarrasingly mundane to have caused this much trouble- I don't even remember precisely what it was but it involved folding laundry. I wasn't even lifting anything heavy. Now, I have to hold my breath and grit my teeth to bend down, climb stairs or lift one of the boys. It hurts. I probably shouldn't be lifting the boys, but what is one to do? My Mom loaned me a back brace today, which does help. The climbing stairs is no longer a big deal, and I can kneel down and get back up again without much pain, if I am careful. I only lift the boys if I have to, and I do so very carefully indeed. I am really hoping this is a simple strain, or a pinched nerve or something and that it will fade soon. Otherwise I will have to see someone about it. Time will tell. * * * Why does a toddler's experimentation with cause and effect have to involve "What happens if I peg my brother in the head with this wooden train"? (Or block, or pirate, etc. . .) Poor Littleman has a scab on his head right now, courtesy of Sweetcheeks' well developed pitching arm. There's no malice here (yet), but it's not fun. At least they spend a lot more time playing nicely together than they spend damaging each other. It's been very nice for me for them to enjoy each others' company so much. The house is semi-clean, even! Amazing how much I can get done when they don't need me every waking second. * * * So much for this winter storm. Not that I expected a whole lot, being that the ground is as warm as it is. You can't expect snow and ice to stick around here, unless it's been good and cold for a week at least. Whereas we have had warmer-than-spring temperatures for longer than that. One of Littleman's signature questions is "What happened ___?" (Apply this to any situation, regardless of sense. . . it's just his way of asking you to explain). A couple weeks ago or so I said something about winter being so different than I remember them being when I was a kid here. Littleman pipes up, "What happened the winter?" Well, I don't have all the answers to that question, but I have a theory, shared by many, and it isn't pretty. What will this world be like when my boys are nearly grown? Will change be slow, or will they see a dramatic shift in their lifetimes? Will people wake up in time to slow things down at all? * * * I think my back has made me a little sour. Actually, I am not in a bad mood. But the boys are getting very impatient with me, and I am constantly being interrupted now. I feel like rambling on at you, my loyal readers, but I have a feeling that tending to my children would be much more productive at this point. ;) I'd like to get them in bed in time for me to have a nice long hot soak. * * * PS- this isn't much for many bloggers, but I was surprised to note my little journal here has surpassed 1,100 hits. Wow. Who are you folks, anyway? LOL, whoever you are, thank you because you keep me writing. (however infrequently, sometimes). OK. I've heard "Why" about 60 times in quick succesion. I think someone wants my attention. :)

ignoring the muffled crashes coming from upstairs

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

ignoring the muffled crashes coming from upstairs Current mood: cold I feel like I am in a state of suspended animation. Outside the world is silvery grey, all color seeped away, leaving nothing but cold and sleeping twilight. The furnace runs, but still I feel chilled and sluggish like some cold-blooded creature futilely resisting the pull of winter's sleep. I have accomplished some things today, but it's been like pushing rocks up a hill. My soul aches for a book by a fireside, long hours of idleness stretching ahead into the evening. Electra comes inside for a pat and I press my face into her cool fur, breathing the redolence of chimney smoke and dry leaves. She would be a willing participant in my little dream, getting in the way of my book as she pressed kneading paws into my thighs and belly, until I bear her pricking claws no longer and she curls up to purr. We would sit there, she and I, curled under a blanket by the fire, and I would wander other worlds through the pages of my book, guiltlessly relishing the warmth and quiet.

slacker.

Monday, January 15, 2007

slacker. Current mood: guilty Well, I'm a slacker. I write the newsletter for my neighborhood association. Not a big deal, though it can take awhile for all of us to get together and figure out what news should go in it. We are all busy, unpaid volunteers and our president can get behind sometimes. We tend to have more good ideas than the oomph and organization to complete them, but gradually over the years things have definitely improved. I try to do my small part well, in a timely manner. Our last officers' meeting was before Christmas, in which we decided that it was very important to get a newsletter out the first week of January. I needed one key piece of information from the president before the newsletter would be ready to print, but for the most part I had all the notes I needed. Then the holidays strike, things get busy, stuff gets tidied up and shuttled around, and I keep putting off writing the newsletter. Also, mr. president has yet to call me with the last piece of info. (I usually have to call him, though). Finally tonight I sit down to write the newsletter (I can get the last bit of information tomorrow) and I cannot find my notes. Dammit. So I am a slacker, and a disorganized one at that. Sigh. I console myself with the knowledge that most likely, other officers have not come through with their duties these last weeks, and therefore we couldn't have sent the newsletter yet anyway. But I hate not keeping my end of the bargain. I'll find out what's up tomorrow, and perhaps we can all start fresh. It's so hard to keep up with things like this over the holidays- it just gets pushed aside. In the meantime, I am thinking I will do some yoga now that the boys are asleep. It will be nice to do the poses without functioning as a jungle gym at the same time. :)