just a hello

Friday, August 18, 2006

just a hello Current mood: guilty Sorry, I have not kept up with the blog as well as I'd like over the past several days- I am very busy, and in addition I've been feeling really guilty whenever I sit down to do something for myself. On the one hand I know how important it is for me to try and keep in touch with myself and my own interests, but on the other hand I have some serious expectations to live up to and I've been feeling like I am not measuring up. Hell, I know I am not measuring up, I just don't know if it's impossible or if it's because I'm doing something wrong. But in any case I have not been taking much time for myself lately, and the blog certainly falls under that category. So, I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting time here, and I think I will go do some more laundry. But I did want to check in since it's been awhile.

on toddler persistence, dog grooming and a writer's details

Monday, August 07, 2006

on toddler persistence, dog grooming and a writer's details Current mood: lonely There are few things as maddeningly persistent as a 3 year old. Often the maddening part is that whatever it is he is persisting in, makes no logical sense to me at all. From my utterly unenlightened adult perspective, this most irritating repetition is absolutely pointless. Perhaps the fact that it is irritating IS the point, but I hope not. I hope he is merely testing some parameter of his existence, and not deliberately pushing my buttons. Oh, wait- deliberately pushing my buttons IS a means of testing the parameters of his existence. Sigh. Knowing it has some sort of point doesn't really make it less irritating, though. I've been gritting my teeth and looking heavenward a lot more than I used to, these days. At least he is usually cheerful about it, even if I am not. Why is it that the fur of a dog's hindquarters is the part that most needs thorough brushing, when it is the part most dogs least like having brushed? I've been reading a Martha Grimes mystery novel. She is surprisingly little known it seems, and she is one of my favorite authors. She has a series of mystery novels featuring a Scotland Yard detective named Richard Jury, in case you want to look them up at your library. There are so many little things about her style that I enjoy. It seems every time I read another book in the series, I notice something else clever, interesting or skillful that she has done. For instance, the books are written in third person. The reader may follow Jury through the story, or any other character she chooses to send you with. Jury is a handsome man, with a certain inexplicable charisma. I noticed recently that while the reader is with Jury, the people (especially women) that he interacts with behave differently than they do when we are following a different character through the story- Jury's friend Melrose Plant, for instance. In Jury's presence, woman characters often primp in an automatic, distracted sort of way. The way Grimes includes this behavior is very subtle- I have read many of these novels, and only just noticed what has been going on. The effect is to very subtly reinforce what we know of our main characters, and sometimes to shed a small light on the peculiarities of bit players. When the reader is with Plant, most of these other characters lose this nervous behavior. (Though they may have different subtle reactions to Plant). It's very skillfully done, and I'm interested to note it because I've always thought characterization is one of Grimes' strongest points.

brief side trip

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

brief side trip Current mood: busy LOL, Sweetcheeks over there has just discovered that if he rocks the side of the playpen just right, it creaks in a most gratifying way. He is creak-creak-creaking it and giggling like crazy. :) I think he made me forget what I was going to write about. It is hot. HOT. Hot and muggy. Thank goodness for air conditioning, but I still think my head is heat-addled. Skedaddle. 'Twould be nice to cool my heels in a mountain stream right about now. Water so cold I lose sensation in my toes for a moment. The cool, sweet smell of wet leaves and fresh spring water. A light, warm breeze to set things off just right. Dappled shade, a dearth of mosquitoes and a comfortable rock to lean on. Ahh. Sounds good to me. Guess I'll go do some laundry instead. :P Oh, well! :)

another day slips past me

Friday, July 28, 2006

another day slips past me Current mood: restless I'd just like to reiterate: it's truly amazing how the day just disappears, and it's late at night and I feel as if I've accomplished nearly nothing. I've been busy all day (sometimes ridiculously so) and yet here before me are almost everything on my to-do list, still yet to be crossed out. How can two small children- two reasonably good small children- require SO much time and energy? It's easy to laugh off as an old truism that small children take time, but holy shit, is it ever true! Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with everything that is expected of me- I know it's not possible for me to do it all. I'm just doing the best I can, while trying to hang onto my sanity. A funny side note is that part of what takes me so long sometimes is Littleman's new avid interest in "helping". On the one hand, I am really glad for his interest, and I really want to encourage the idea. On the other hand, it would be so much faster for me to do it myself. But it's wonderful for him to fold laundry, swiffer the floor, dust and put away dishes. It makes him feel grown-up and helpful, like he is a productive member of the household. It is training him in how to do these things, so he can do them well when he is older. It helps him develop all sorts of areas, including hand-eye coordination, gross motor skills, social skills, sensory awareness, and other things like sorting and symmetry, for instance. And it's something he can participate in without his little brother dividing my attention. I'm glad of these things and this is an important part of his homeschooling, but ~sigh~ it does slow me down. Still, it's very cool. Ghiradelli makes the best brownie mix ever. Period. My back hurts. This morning, Billy was trying to get Littleman to say to me, "I'll give you the first million dollars I make" or something to that effect. (As an addendum to "please"). Littleman obediently starts to repeat it back, but stops himself and shakes his head. "No, I can't" he told me. LOL! Tonight I am grateful for help, for a potty-trained toddler (yea!), for herbal tea and for my husband. :)

Lessons from the Cove

Monday, July 24, 2006

Lessons from the Cove Current mood: pleased It's not hard to imagine a life here. Without electricity, without running water. With few neighbors and little contact outside of the cove. I can imagine growing up here, free to roam the fields and forest as you please. Helping with chores and playing with siblings and cousins, making up things to do because there is no electric box around to entertain a passive mind. I'm sure it was a hard life, lonely and dangerous. But it was a life steeped in beauty, rooted to the Earth (gee that sounds so cliche but I mean it), and full of purpose. A life connected to the land around you and the people you depended on. I am sure my rose-tinted glasses make it all seem much more wonderful than it felt at the time (as I have mentioned before, I'm not sure I'd relish laundry without a washer and dryer, for instance), but I do think there is so much to be learned in that way of life that we are missing in today's world. It would be nice to have your cake and eat it too, to live those experiences without the danger, the loneliness, the gossip or the stifling feeling it can instill. But of course it is precisely some of these things that help build character and self-reliance, the creativity and a sense of belonging. Without the hardships, many of the rewards are lost. I guess the best thing to do is to try and recreate the best aspects of that life, discarding the isolation and some of the physical hardships. Become connected to the land. Wherever you are, it's possible, and in addition I think it's important to wander wilder landscapes as well. Teach yourself and our children about the Earth, about self-reliance (practical in any environment) and responsibility (to oneself and to the universe, in the sense that making your own small sphere of influence ring true will help sound echoes of harmony in the wider world). Stay connected, stay purposeful. Try to discard the distractions, if you dare (I'm not sure I do. . .) Let the children be bored sometimes. Force them to be creative. Little things regain their meaning. Let them contribute to their world; help them be useful and productive. Give them unstructured time and help them accomplish what they want to do with that time, if they need help. (Today we do not have the skills that used to be commonplace. Could you go make a working kite right now? Would you know how to fish? Do you remember jump rope games? Do you know how to build a raft? And the most important question for you today: Do you know how to learn?) I don't think these are just idyllic, outdated pasttimes. I think they hold real value, true lessons that can not be found at Toy R Us or even on the neighborhood block anymore. And I think adults today would benefit just as much (often more) from returning to these pursuits than our kids will. Try it. I hope I remember to.

Campfire

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Campfire Current mood: creative I stretch my legs out before me, rolling my shoulders back and pointing my toes toward the fire. I relax, breathing a deep sigh of warm, humid sweet mountain air. The sun has long since retired for the evening, but the moon is ripe and round, and her silvery shine mingles nicely with the golden red glow from the flames. The occasional sparks dance weightlessly up to kiss her, fading into nothingness somewhere beyond the branches overhead. I feel a little stiff from the bike ride today, but under that feeling my body has the liquid warmth I get from a good, active day- a certain suppleness that I don't realize I've been missing until I get it back. I feel good. Conversation continues around me, but I am leaning back to peer up through branches toward the winking stars. Toasty toes, cool air on my neck and the smell of wood smoke, moist forest and lingering cooking smells in my nose. The cricketts are creaking their summer song all around as the fire hisses and pops gently. We have not heard the wolves on this trip, as we once did camping here several years ago. Perhaps they are less vocal in the summer? But I sense a movement out of the corner of my eye and cock my ear for the soft whoosh of our resident wild spirit. The huge owl, like so many animals here, is relatively unconcerned with the trivial activities of the human visitors. She swoops through the campsite nightly on her hunting rounds. I get goose bumps as I watch her. A powerful totem animal, the owl. Laughter calls my attention back to our little gathering. Soon it will be time to turn in, and try to get some elusive rest this night. (Much as we are enjoying ourselves, Littleman is the only one in our little party who has been sleeping well this trip). I am tired, and the trip has been hard as well as fun. (Sometimes, more hard than fun- camping with kids is a new experience for us!) But I am grateful for this moment, for the people around me and for the memories we will carry forth from this week. I smile to myself wondering what seminal impressions we are cultivating in the kids- hopefully, they will reap the greatest rewards. Regardless, I am very glad to be here.

Sorry kid, the potty's all done

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Sorry kid, the potty's all done Current mood: tired The campground has facilities with running water, sinks and toilets (but no showers). Littleman was too busy most of the time to go potty (we went through a lot more diapers than he's been using at home) and we were slack (I admit) on pushing the issue. But he did go potty several times. At one point he told me he needed to poop, so off we went. The toilets there have sensors that "know" when you've gotten up, and they then flush themselves. Sometimes they seem to flush randomly because they sense other movement. Littleman has never encountered this phenomenom before. We were in the stall, removing his shorts and diaper. This takes a little while, and the toilet apparently thought we'd gone so it flushed. Littleman was really startled, and said with real alarm: "But I want to go POOPY!!" I had to reassure him that it was OK, he could still poop and we would just flush the potty again at the end. LOL! * * * * * I have more ideas on stuff I want to write for you, and some word crafting I'd like to do. But I am SOOOOO tired so this is it for now. I'm going to bed.