Trying to be a good parent: a few ideas (part 1)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Trying to be a good parent: a few ideas (part 1) Current mood: cold I was thinking of parenting, and of some of the things I try to do as a parent. For instance, I try ALWAYS (except in "emergencies") to pause for an instant before opening my mouth to admonish or redirect Littleman when he is doing something annoying. In that split instant, I review what he is doing and what I was about to say. Is he really hurting anything by doing what he is doing? Is it actually a problem that needs to be addressed, or does my reaction have more to do with my current mood than with his actions? 9 times out of 10, I'll either change how I'm approaching the situation or just decide to shut my mouth altogether and leave him alone. He needs to explore the world, be creative and be independant. I try to keep the list of real no-no's as short as possible, while maintaining his (and our) safety, fostering some good habits and reserving a little prerogative for my own sanity. One little guideline I read somewhere is the $25. rule: Is he really endangering himself or others? No? Is what he's doing causing more than $25. worth of damage? No? Then don't worry about it. Of course, you have to apply this rule judiciously or $25. would really start to add up! Not to mention that applying this all the time could lead to some destructive habits. But it's a good thought to keep in the back of my mind- for instance, he had a sheet of stickers and of course started pulling off every single sticker to stick onto the mirror. My immediate response was "No, wait, don't waste all your stickers! Don't stick them to the mirror!" But I didn't say it, because the amount of fun he was having was well worth $1.50 and the minor effort of scraping sticker goo off the mirror. Let him have his fun. Another thing I try to do is offer lots of choices to Littleman throughout the day. Almost any time he can choose between two things and either outcome is OK with me, I let him decide. I'll ask whether he wants juice or milk to drink, whether he wants a plate or a bowl, whether he wants to hold my hand and walk or for me to carry him, whether he wants to wear the sweatpants or the jeans, which movie to watch, what to eat for lunch (within reason), whether he wants to stand on the stool while I brush his teeth, or to sit on my lap. . . choices ad nauseum. But I think that having choices (even if they are carefully screened choices) helps a toddler to feel more in control of their life than they would otherwise, and helps them feel more independant. Also, I think it gives Littleman more practice knowing what he wants and expressing that desire in a coherent, understandable manner. This leads to more success when he tries to manage his own life, therefore less frustration and (I think) fewer tantrums. Also, when it is necessary (for whatever reason, sometimes just because I have HAD IT) to override his desires entirely, at least this is not the usual way of doing things. OK, Griff is waking so those are all for today. I'll try to think of other things I attempt when it comes to parenting, and write them in a later blog. It is helpful to me to write them down, and who knows? Maybe they will be helpful to someone else too.