making time for Littleman

Sunday, May 27, 2007

making time for Littleman Current mood: hopeful Ah, some peaceful moments. . . it's been a good week. Billy took a few days off to spend with the boys- he took Littleman on an overnight backpacking trip (along with Uncle Aaron), and they had a great little adventure. Sweetcheeks and I stayed home, did laundry, caught up on some shopping, took naps and went to the park. Then the following day, Billy took Mr. Cheeks out to the mall and a restaurant, while Littleman and I shot his new bow and arrows, did laundry, took a nap and washed dishes together. It was nice. Spending that time with Littleman was especially important for me, I think. Lately he has really been acting out toward me, not wanting to speak to me if Billy is around, and not wanting to be polite to me or show me affection- generally not wanting to have anything to do with me as long as his Daddy is around for him. Then any time Billy is gone to work or elsewhere, Littleman will often moan about it for hours, saying that he doesn't want Daddy to leave. And any time he gets in trouble for something, he whines "Daddy" over and over, as if I am the Evil One and Daddy would make it all better. Never mind that he'd be certain to have gotten in trouble whether Daddy was home or not! Billy tries to help the situation by helping with discipline whenever he can, and making a point of showing appreciation for the things I do for the kids. He makes Littleman say thank you to me for things, and even give me a hug. But part of the problem is simply that I have little time any more to focus solely on Littleman, and do fun things with him. I understand some of his frustration with our relationship, because I feel it too- too often it seems like the only time I am paying direct attention to him, it is to discipline or to hurry him along. My time is so stretched, and these days (with the pregnancy) I am SOO tired. When it is just me and both boys, so many activities become too difficult to tackle- taking the boys swimming is more than I want to handle alone, and a simple trip to the park or the library can be hair-raising. Even at home, trying to do fun projects is difficult- Sweetcheeks is livid to be left out of things, but including him when Littleman and I try to do a project can simply derail the whole experience. Having a day with just Littleman and I together highlighted the things we've been missing. I was able to be more relaxed around him, because I did not have to be as vigilant as I am when little brother is around. I could let Littleman do many things for himself that are off-limits to Sweetcheeks, and I could turn more of my attention to Littleman alone. It felt good- so much more like I would like our homeschooling environment to be. So, besides having a bit of a break this week, Billy's time off has helped me realize that I need to be making more of an effort to send Mr. Cheeks off on his own little adventures (overnight to my Mom's for instance, or out with Daddy for the day) so that Littleman and I can have our own time. It will be good for everyone involved. Also, I need to come up with confined, fun, messy and absorbing activities for Sweetcheeks to do once in awhile, so that he will have something satisfying to do while Littleman and I complete our own little projects- whether we're cooking together, washing dishes, potting plants, drawing or crafting, whatever. And finally, I need to remember that (mess-be-damned) I should make time for these things often. There are more important things than a clean house.