Waning

Well, I suppose it's high time that I poke my head in over here and explain myself.

Yes, my blog has fallen off my radar pretty completely. There's been a lot I have had to let go of, in the past year and more, and while it's all for a greater vision and a dream we hold, I admit it's wearing thin.

Am I being cryptic? I'm sorry. . . let me back up a bit.

You may recall that we lost both of Billy's parents in 2010. His Father's passing was sad but expected, but his Mother's death was a tragic shock that we still haven't fully come to terms with. They left to their children the beautiful family property here in Georgia, which Billy's siblings do not wish to purchase or live at. Billy and I desperately want this place to remain in the family, and if at all possible we would like to purchase it and raise our boys there. Unfortunately with lending regulations being very strict right now, we cannot possibly pull that off unless we sell (or, less desirably, rent) our current house. To help our house compete in this real estate market, we moved out of it, so it would remain show-ready at all times. Billy's siblings were not willing to let us live in the family property unless we bought it, so instead our fantastic and very dear friends opened their home to us, and we moved in there. We hoped this would be a brief and delightful experiment in communal living, just until we found buyers for our home and could then move on. That was in April 2011.

Fast forward more than one year. We tried everything we could think of to sell our house without ruining our credit, and though we are only borderline underwater, we simply could not compete with the cheap foreclosures flooding the market. We gave up on selling our house and are now marketing it as a rental. There's been a lot of traffic, but no takers. The rental market is strong but is flooded with inventory right now. And while our communal living situation remains improbably amicable and our friends embrace us still, Billy and I are beginning to break under the endless weight of an uncertain future and the helpless drift of just. . . waiting. . .

We want to move ahead. Billy absolutely must feel again like he is at the helm, able to steer his own ship and move his life forward with purpose. He and I both are in need of our own home again, a personal cocoon, our own little kingdom. I realize that much of our strife stems directly from feeling a complete loss of control over everything. . . but I do think that our need for some control here is healthy and necessary. We have our own grown-up lives to live, and we'd like to get ON with it, thankyouverymuch. We are tired of being held back and tripped up at every attempt to make our dream a reality. We need to move on.

We are feeling very discouraged, right now. There seems to be no way forward.

I have to remind myself that it is our stamina that wanes, not our chances. But how long can we keep this up? It's a battle every day.

So, there's my downer of an update. Yes, the pictures are from the family property. Isn't it beautiful? Billy and his Father built most of the buildings with their own hands. Billy and I were married there. The cabin on the property is a work of Art, designed and crafted by hand. A portion of Billy's Father's ashes are buried there. My children are in love with the place, and ask me why we aren't living there- why no one is living there at all. They ask when we will be able to buy it. All I can say is, "I don't know".